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Old 08-19-2013, 07:32 PM   #11
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Hahahaha Texas T that was a good laugh.I needed that,thnx.

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Old 08-19-2013, 07:50 PM   #12
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My recipe always starts off with a can of beer, your choice of brand of course! Yes, one full can in the pot, I include at minimum 3-4 types of beans, some of Dad's home grown beef or if I have it on hand, some deer bugger.
Onion, chili peppers, salt, pepper, tad bit of sugar (or even a squirt of Hienz catsup) Long time ago I would add a quart of my moms home canned tomato's, now a days I resort to some sort of canned tomato's of some our tomato's out of the garden or in the winter I take them out of the freezer. Once in a while I'll mix it up a bit and put in a dash of molasses.
Nothing is written down of course, just like my moms!

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Old 08-20-2013, 04:43 PM   #13
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I've had people say my chili is awesome, but I make it with venison. My secret adds-that-"lagniappe" ingredient is Ranch Style beans. If you don't like beans in your chili, then just use the liquid from the can. There's just that tiny tad of BBQ flavor in there.

Most people who eat my chili just can't figure out what that little something extra flavor is.

Now that I've told know the rest of that sayin, eh?. /snork

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Old 08-20-2013, 04:46 PM   #14
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Yep, as someone above said....I don't have written down recipes. Even dishes I started out cooking via a recipe I've altered over the years.

A co-worker was off work for months, on the job injury, with young children and she's single. I took her a huge pot of my 'sketti meat sauce with salad and all the fixins. She's still miffed at me because I keep tellin her I don't *have* a recipe, can only give her the ingredients...she has to cook it by tasting...pinch of this, can of that, etc.

Same is true for my Wild Duck Gumbeaux.

If age is a state of mind, and I've lost my mind, I'm AGELESS, right?
Give me 40 acres and I'll turn this rig around:
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Old 08-20-2013, 05:27 PM   #15
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Wezer, my wife's entire family is like that lol. We sat down recently with her 92 YO grandmother to get some of her recipes, though. Just too darn good to lose them.
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Old 08-20-2013, 06:55 PM   #16
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I have my Mom's "recipes" too triguy...AND....

I have her white enamel pan/bowl she used to make cat head biscuits. She had my brother repair it a couple of times when he was a teen..wore holes in the bottom edge... with a thin washer that would bend around the edge with a rivet....enamel dinged off in several spots. Looks like h e double hockey sticks but that thing is priceless to me...has a place of honor on my kitchen wall.

I'm sure wmtire knows what cat head biscuits are...anyone else know?

If age is a state of mind, and I've lost my mind, I'm AGELESS, right?
Give me 40 acres and I'll turn this rig around:
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Old 08-20-2013, 07:14 PM   #17
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Whatever kind of meat, usually ground beef
Kidney Beans
canned tomatoes or fresh if I have any
green pepper large cut
onion large cut
jalapenos if I want some extra heat
a little celery fine chop
chili seasoning or a mix of my own
chili powder
v8 juice and tomato juice equal parts usually a can of each
little sugar
and sometimes a touch of cinnamon
No real measurements, it just comes together.
A good 3-4 hours over low heat, best served next day
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Old 08-20-2013, 07:37 PM   #18
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This is what I know about chilli:

"If you think chilli has beans,
Then you don't know beans about chilli."
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Old 08-20-2013, 08:52 PM   #19
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If you put beans in your chili, you have Hamburger Stew. Good chili NEVER has beans.

Fresh ground venison (I grind my own). If you are a city boy, buy some cubed beef and brown it and cut it up finer.

For every 3 lbs of venison/beef, put in 1 lb of ground pork.

Can(s) of Rotel
1/2 of an onion. Too much onion overkills taste.
Chop up some green chiles
spices are:
crushed red pepper
chili powder
black pepper

Figuring out how much of each makes you a cook. Using a formula makes you a mathmetician. Practice. Make LOTS of batches. Grow old trying. You WILL get it right. Just not the first time.

Beer is a waste of time. By the time it simmers, the alcohol is gone, and only water is left. Use water instead.

If you buy all this meat and stuff at Walmart Grocery, expect a poor product.

Let it simmer. And simmer. And simmer. It's like smoked meat (what Rookies call "BBQ"), it takes a while. Nine women can NOT have a baby in one month!!!
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Old 11-11-2014, 09:31 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by TexasT View Post
The Texas Chili Cookoff best joke of all time?
Texas Chili Cook-off

If you can read the whole story without tears of laugher running down your cheeks then there's no hope for you.

NOTE: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions of two judges (Native Texans). They said that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event:


Judge # 1: A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge #3 (Frank): Holy Mother of God! What is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy


Judge # 1: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3: Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face


Judge # 1: Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge # 2: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers

Judge # 3: Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before the flames that come from my ears ignite again. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all of the beer.


Judge # 1: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. blonde lady is starting to look HOT - just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. They told me chili is an aphrodisiac!


Judge # 1: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.! It really p***** me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. S**** those rednecks.


Judge # 1: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. She must be braver than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore, and I really need to wipe my *** with a snow cone.


Judge # 1: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2: Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like **** to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


Judge # 1: The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2: This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. I wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili!

Texas T, loved the joke!! I am sharing it with my friends here in Ontario.

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