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Old 11-07-2014, 10:11 PM   #21
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Just after we were married we went horse back riding in the mountains. Her horse stumbled and I heard her say" that's once". A little while later the horse stumbled again. She said to the horse "that's twice". The horse stumbled again and she shot it. I said to her what the h---- is the matter with you? She said "Thats once". We get along fine.


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Old 11-14-2014, 12:28 PM   #22
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."
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Old 11-18-2014, 08:38 PM   #23
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I got very drunk last night and told my father-in-law that I wanted to divorce his daughter.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked.

"No," I replied, "The truth is I just don't love her anymore. Are you angry?"

"Angry?" he shouted, looking at my wife on the dance floor, "This wedding just cost me $20,000."


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Old 11-18-2014, 08:42 PM   #24
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In divorce women have all the rights and men have all the lefts...

Left homeless.
Left penniless.
Left childless.
Left for another man.


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Old 11-18-2014, 08:51 PM   #25
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You know you're ready for marriage when you can't keep your hands off each other...

You know you're ready for divorce when you can't keep your hands off each other.


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Old 11-18-2014, 08:56 PM   #26
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Divorce has finally given me my old life back.

I'm back living with my parents...

...and I have to be in by eleven every night.


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Old 11-23-2014, 09:26 PM   #27
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My best friend stabbed me in the back, and ran off with my wife.

But I got even with him, cause I let him keep her.
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Old 11-23-2014, 09:31 PM   #28
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Old 12-27-2014, 08:00 PM   #29
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Two coworkers were talking by the water fountain when one guy said, "Today I got through the first step of getting divorced."

The second guy replies, "Oh, did you go to Mr. Guggenheim? Everyone goes to him for divorces."

The first man replies, "No, I just got married".
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Old 12-30-2014, 12:27 PM   #30
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I didn't get married until I was 37. By then I had done all the things I wanted to do, seen all the things I wanted to see, been to all the places I wished to visit. But I didn't know what real happiness was until I got married. Then it was too late!
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