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Old 12-30-2014, 12:29 PM   #31
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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Old 12-30-2014, 08:00 PM   #32
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You why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it!
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Old 12-30-2014, 08:02 PM   #33
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My wife once asked me if I was cheating on her. I just replied: of course not I can barely afford the one I have!
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Old 01-31-2015, 02:58 PM   #34
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Before marriage
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during marriage
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after marriage

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Old 01-31-2015, 03:15 PM   #35
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Once many years ago I was driving pretty fast ( near 100 mph) trying to make it home for Christmas. A state troop came up very fast from the rear and pulled me over. He was angry because I was going so fast, but said, since it is Christmas eve I will have some sympathy if you can tell me your excuse and it is one that he had never heard before. I told him that my wife had run off with a state trooper and I thought it was him trying to bring her back.
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Old 01-31-2015, 03:19 PM   #36
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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room. 'Why are you down here at this time
of night?'
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20thAnniversary of the day we met.'
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only
16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears.
'Yes, I do,' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'
'Yes, I remember,' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'
'I remember that, too,' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, 'I would have gotten out today.'
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Old 02-11-2015, 02:39 AM   #37
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I told my wife that if I die I hope she would'nt remarry, cause I would'nt want some butthead to get all my stuff. She said " what makes you think I'd marry another butthead?
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Old 02-12-2015, 08:15 AM   #38
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Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing
...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration
date.'
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Old 02-12-2015, 10:16 AM   #39
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Texas - What Happens When A Wife Goes Missing ...
A husband went to the sheriff's department to report that his wife was missing:
Husband - I've lost my wife. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant - What is her height?
Husband - Gee , I really never noticed. Maybe about five feet tall.
Sergeant - Build?
Husband - Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant - Color of eyes?
Husband - Never noticed.
Sergeant - Color of hair?
Husband - Changes a couple times a year . .. . maybe red.
Sergeant - What was she wearing?
Husband - Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant - Did she go in a car?
Husband - No, she went in my truck.
Sergeant - What kind of truck was it?
Husband - Brand new Ford F150 with Eco -boost V6 engine special ordered with manual transmission, four-wheel drive, tinted windows, custom matching white cover for the bed, special alloy wheels and off road Michelin's. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door.
At this point the husband started tearing up and almost cried.
Sergeant - Don't worry, Bubba ..... We’ll find your truck.
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Old 02-12-2015, 11:02 AM   #40
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That is halarious, but some how, my wife doesn't see it that way!
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