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Old 02-13-2015, 12:57 PM   #51
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A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98.
After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked: "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"


The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he won't ask for directions."
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Old 02-13-2015, 01:01 PM   #52
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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.."
Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
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Old 02-13-2015, 01:11 PM   #53
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A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed as
the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she
looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried
that she called him on her cell phone to ask him where he was. In a
quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about
five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we
couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?" The
wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that
shop." He replied, "Well, I'm in the bar next door."
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Old 02-13-2015, 02:51 PM   #54
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Quote:
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Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
That reminds me of this:
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Old 02-13-2015, 03:06 PM   #55
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That reminds me of this:
Now that is fresh calamari!

(oh, by the way... EWWWWWWWW! )
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Old 02-13-2015, 03:07 PM   #56
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Now that is fresh calamari!



(oh, by the way... EWWWWWWWW! )

It is actually dead! The salt in the soy sauce causes a reaction in the tentacles. Pretty crazy stuff.
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Old 02-13-2015, 03:30 PM   #57
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It is actually dead! The salt in the soy sauce causes a reaction in the tentacles. Pretty crazy stuff.
I get the science behind it, but it's still disgusting.
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Old 02-13-2015, 03:36 PM   #58
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I get the science behind it, but it's still disgusting.
Agreed! I don't think I'd be able to bring myself to eat it afterwards (or maybe even before hand- that was just a little TOO alive looking).
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Old 02-13-2015, 04:07 PM   #59
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Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!
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Old 02-13-2015, 04:28 PM   #60
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Funny:
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