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Old 02-20-2015, 03:26 PM   #71
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Sandy, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!

Bob, typically non-romantic, replied,
"I am on the toilet. Please advise ."

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Old 02-22-2015, 06:07 AM   #72
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We were watching TV just before Valentine's day. A Verizon commercial came on staying it wasn't too late to get her a Valentine's gift. My wife looks at me and says "Verizon says it's not too late for you to get me something!"

I told her "That's why I have Sprint".
The couch is comfortable.


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Old 02-22-2015, 01:52 PM   #73
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Valentine's Day is just another opportunity to prove YOU JUST DON'T MEASURE UP!
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Old 03-10-2015, 01:26 PM   #74
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After I got divorced, I joined a biker gang:

It's called:

Sons Of Alimony
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Iíve lost my scapegoat.
I have nobody to blame but myself.
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Old 03-10-2015, 02:27 PM   #75
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A young couple were in love, got married and on their wedding night, as they were undressing, the young man decided to take the advice of his Father and let his new bride know who was the boss. He took off his pants and threw them at his lovely bride and very firmly said "Here put these on!"

The young girl was frightened by her new husbands sudden change of attitude and with tears in her eyes she put on the pants, but they were too big and she had to hold them to keep them up. With a trembling voice she said "They are too big and they don't fit."

The husband yelled "That's right and don't forget I wear the pants in this family!"

The young bride was quiet for a moment as the anger began to rise inside her and she suddenly yanked off her panties and threw them in the young man's face. "Put these on!" she growled.

The young man could see his bride was very angry; since it was his wedding night he thought perhaps he should mellow out a little and humor her. So he pulled the panties over his calves and try as he might they weren't going past his knees. Finally in frustration he hollers "I can't get in your pants!"

The young bride smiled and said "That's right and you never will if you ever take that attitude with me again!!"
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Old 03-21-2015, 12:33 PM   #76
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Old 03-21-2015, 07:29 PM   #77
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Send a message via Yahoo to bob caldwell
Wife and dog missing! Reward for dog.
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Old 03-21-2015, 08:15 PM   #78
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An old man walks in the restaurant the waitress walk over to take his order. He says I'll have a B L T N T. the waitress says ok, but what a B L T N T ? He say It's a Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato, sandwich Not Toasted. She say ok I've never heard it that way...... When she brings him out his sandwich he yells at her S O B. the waitress a little stunned says excuse me. The old man says it's Soggy On Bottom. The waitress quick thinking she says, S ***, which totally throws the old man off, and he says WHAT? She says Should Had It Toasted!

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