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Old 05-11-2015, 10:23 PM   #1
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Blonde jokes

From my blonde daughter.
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Old 05-11-2015, 10:36 PM   #2
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Old 05-11-2015, 11:02 PM   #3
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Good one, hadn't heard that one.
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Old 05-11-2015, 11:26 PM   #4
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A blond comes out of a highway diner and notices a young brunette walking heel to toe down the center line of the two lane highway. As the brunette gets a little closer the blond hears her repeating, "86... 86... 86...". For the life of her she can't figure out what the brunette is doing and calls out to her.. "What are you doing out there!?" The brunette stop, "Ohhh it's REALLY fun, all of my girlfriends do it.. you should try!!".

The blond, not to be outdone, heads out.. starts walking heel to toe down the center line of the highway and starts repeating, "86.. 86... 86..". Just about that time an 18 wheeler comes wide around a corner and wipes out the poor blond.

After the dust and gore has settled, the brunette walks back out to the center line and proceeds heel to toe down the highway, "87... 87... 87..."
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Old 05-11-2015, 11:57 PM   #5
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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."


There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.


Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.



A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."


A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"


What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? "Omg, donut seeds!"


There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.


There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.
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Old 05-12-2015, 12:16 AM   #6
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A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!" Confused, he replies, "Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"
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Old 05-12-2015, 03:42 PM   #7
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[QUOTE=asquared;860843]A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
/QUOTE]


Hey!!!!! That's my niece you're making fun of in my home town. Lol good one.

Here's one for you.

What do you get when you line up 28 women from Mebane, NC?


A full set of teeth. There! Lol.
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Old 05-12-2015, 03:59 PM   #8
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What do you get when you line up 28 women from Mebane, NC?


A full set of teeth. There! Lol.
NOW YOU'RE GETTING NASTY!

Besides that it was Little Rock, AR.
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Old 05-12-2015, 04:27 PM   #9
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Two blondes were roofing a house. One would pull out a nail and then hammer it into the roof. Then she would pull out another nail, look at it, then throw it away. The second blonde noticed this and asked why she kept throwing nails away.

The first blonde replied, "Well if I pull a nail out and it's facing the roof, I nail it in. If it's facing the other way, I toss it."

"You idiot! Those nails are for the other side!"
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Old 05-12-2015, 07:38 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asquared View Post
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

Hey!!!!! That's my niece you're making fun of in my home town. Lol good one.

Here's one for you.

What do you get when you line up 28 women from Mebane, NC?


A full set of teeth. There! Lol.
How did you know this little town so well?
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