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Old 03-26-2015, 10:25 AM   #1
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Chicago Cubs jokes

I have been a long time suffering Cubs fan since my teen years. Since it's getting that time of year again, I figured it would be fun to share some jokes of my 'Lovable Losers'. Feel free to add, and hope you get a chuckle:

#8 and #12 below are my favorites.

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Twenty major events that have occurred since the Chicago Cubs last laid claim to a World Series championship:

1. Radio was invented; Cubs fans got to hear their team lose.

2. TV was invented; Cubs fans got to see their team lose.

3. Baseball added 14 teams; Cubs fans get to see and hear their team lose to more clubs.

4. George Burns celebrated his 10th, 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th, 80th, 90th and 100th birthdays.

5. Haley's comet passed Earth twice.

6. Harry Caray was born....and died. Incredible, but true.

7. The NBA, NHL and NFL were formed, and Chicago teams won championships in each league.

8. Man landed on the moon, as have several home runs given up by Cubs pitchers.

9. Sixteen U.S. presidents were elected.

10. There were 11 amendments added to the Constitution.

11. Prohibition was created and repealed.

12. The Titanic was built, set sail, sank, was discovered and became the subject of major motion pictures, the latest giving Cubs fans hope that something that finishes on the bottom can come out on top.

13. Wrigley Field was built and becomes the oldest park in the National League.

14. Flag poles were erected on Wrigley Field roof to hold all of the team's future World Series pennants. Those flag poles have since rusted and been taken down.

15. A combination of 40 Summer and Winter Olympics have been held.

16. Thirteen baseball players have won the Triple Crown; several thanked Cubs pitchers.

17. Bell-bottoms came in style, went out of style and came back in.

18. The Chicago White Sox, Cleveland Indians, Boston Red Sox and the Florida Marlins have all won the World Series.

19. The Cubs played 14,153 regular-season games; they lost the majority of them.

20. Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, Oklahoma and New Mexico were added to the Union.
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Old 03-26-2015, 10:37 AM   #2
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"It's hard to put your finger on it. You have to have a dullness of mind and spirit to play here. I went through pyschoanalysis and that helped me deal with my Cubness."--Jim Brosnan, former Cubs pitcher

"Noise pollution can't be that much of a problem. There's nothing to cheer about."--State rep. John F. Dunn, arguing for the installation of lights at Wrigley Field

"If I managed the Cubs, I'd be an alcoholic."--Whitey Herzog

"There's nothing wrong with this team that more pitching, more fielding and more hitting couldn't help."--Bill Buckner

"You get tired of looking at garbage in your own backyard."--Cubs manager Lee Elia in 1983 about why the Cubs got rid of so many players. Elia was fired later that same season.

"The Cubs were taking batting practice, and the pitching machine threw a no-hitter."--Radio deejay

"The only bad thing about being released by the Cubs is that they made me keep my season tickets."--Ken Rietz, ex-Cub third baseman

"Would the lady who left her nine kids at Wrigley Field please pick them up immediately? They are beating the Cubs 4-0 in the 7th inning."--Radio deejay

"One thing you learn as a Cubs fan: When you bought your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth."--Joe Garagiola

"The Chicago Cubs are like Rush Street--a lot of singles, but no action."--Garagiola again

"The latest diet is better than the Pritikin Diet. You eat only when the Cubs win."--pianist George Shearing
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Old 03-26-2015, 11:02 AM   #3
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With your new manager and all the new players, this has got to be your year!
Unless you face my Tigers in the World Series.
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Old 03-26-2015, 11:15 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by retired06 View Post
Unless you face my Tigers in the World Series.
LOL. I appreciate the confidence vote, but even Jeopardy knows better.

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Old 03-26-2015, 11:51 AM   #5
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#19 is actually not true. In their history the cubs have actually won more regular season games than they have lost.
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Old 03-26-2015, 12:16 PM   #6
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Quote:
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#19 is actually not true. In their history the cubs have actually won more regular season games than they have lost.
The joke states these are factoids SINCE the Cubbies won their last world series.....not in their history that also predates 1908.

I'd have to look up their numbers to actually verify the joke, but just off the top of my head would go with it as true.

Here is their win/loss numbers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...o_Cubs_seasons
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Old 03-26-2015, 12:21 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
The joke states these are factoids SINCE the Cubbies won their last world series.....not in their history that also predates 1908.

I'd have to look up their numbers to actually verify the joke, but just off the top of my head would go with it as true.
It depends on when the list was originally written. It's been around for quite a while but mentions the Red Sox and White Sox winning a WS so presumably sometime after 2005.

The Cubs were actually pretty good between 1908 and 1945. Even adding up their W/L record from 1908 through last year they have won more than they've lost.

That doesn't mean the rest of the list isn't true though. And hilarious.
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Old 03-26-2015, 12:46 PM   #8
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OK, so my OCD kicked in and I checked out the numbers. They played 14,193 games between the 1909 season through the 1999 season. So the list was probably originally written sometime in 1999 and has been added onto and updated as it's been passed around.

In that time-span they won 7,028 games and lost 7,088. So #19 may have been true at one time, but it no longer is. So technically, we were both right.
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Old 03-26-2015, 01:28 PM   #9
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Old 03-26-2015, 01:49 PM   #10
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On Wall Street, the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at 86.15 on Dec. 31, 1908 and the average wage was 22 cents an hour, while the average worker made somewhere between $200 and $400 a year.

LETS GO CUBBIES

The cubs never won a World series while playing in Wrigley field.
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