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Old 10-10-2016, 10:02 AM   #71
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Thank you, student loan, for getting me through college



I don't think I can ever repay you.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-26-2016, 02:51 AM   #72
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A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-27-2016, 10:56 AM   #73
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Last year I felt miserable and depressed, but this year I've managed to turn it all around.

Now I feel depressed and miserable.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-28-2016, 04:44 AM   #74
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An oldie but goodie. I haven't seen this joke in awhile:

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $20 and a note in its mouth reading: "10 lamb chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop.

He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and berating the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What are you doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, "Genius, my foot. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!!!"
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2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS

I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-29-2016, 10:49 AM   #75
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I've read 'Plumbing for idiots' twice and I still haven't got a clue what I'm doing. I guess it's going to take another few reads before this sinks in.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-29-2016, 12:06 PM   #76
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A man was walking on the beach when he came across a porpoise. The porpoise told the man that if he would go into the jungle, he would find a sea gull. If he brought the sea gull back to the porpoise, the porpoise would become immortal and live forever.

So the man follows a path into the jungle. He soon comes upon a lion sleeping in the path. The man very carefully steps over the sleeping lion and continues on to a clearing, where he finds the sea gull.

The man takes the sea gull and starts back to the beach. When he gets to the sleeping lion, he very carefully steps over it. As soon as he does, 3 FBI men come of the jungle and arrest him.

They charged him with “transporting a gull across sedate lions for immortal porpoises!”
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Old 11-01-2016, 09:32 AM   #77
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A gentleman is the man who can play the accordion, but doesn't.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 11-01-2016, 10:13 AM   #78
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Ever wondered what the electric eel was called before electricity was invented ?
This is my favorite!
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Old 11-03-2016, 09:30 AM   #79
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Getting paid to sleep is my dream job
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 11-03-2016, 03:22 PM   #80
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Want to know how to make $$$$ fast?




























1) Hold down the shift key
2) Press the "4" button 4 times quickly.
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