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07-23-2018, 09:06 PM
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#521
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 822
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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
__________________
Happy Campin!
Forester 2451s
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07-23-2018, 09:08 PM
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#522
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 822
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me.What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
__________________
Happy Campin!
Forester 2451s
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07-24-2018, 12:23 PM
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#523
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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People call me Mr Compromise.
Wasn't my first choice for a nickname, but I can live with it.
__________________
 2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-24-2018, 12:27 PM
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#524
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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I’m not very good at self-deprecation.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-26-2018, 01:48 AM
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#525
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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At my Kleptomaniac Anonymous meeting the leader told us to come in and don't take a seat..
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-26-2018, 07:46 AM
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#526
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 1,051
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__________________
2017 Coachman Chaparral 336TSIK
2015 F350 6.7
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07-29-2018, 11:16 PM
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#527
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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This site uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on the site. By continuing to use the site, you agree to accept these cookies.
I genuinely just copied and pasted this off the weight watchers website
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-29-2018, 11:36 PM
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#528
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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If I bought a boat I would name it "For Sail"
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-30-2018, 09:08 PM
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#529
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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What job ads really mean
Competitive salary
We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.
Join our fast-paced company
We have no time to train you.
Casual work atmosphere
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.
Some overtime required
Some every night and some every weekend.
Duties will vary
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
Must have an eye for detail
We have no quality assurance.
Career-minded
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
Apply in person
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told that the position has been filled.
Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience
You'll need it to replace the three people who just quit.
Problem-solving skills a must
You're walking into perpetual chaos.
Requires team leadership skills
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
Good communication skills
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-30-2018, 09:46 PM
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#530
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,173
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
What job ads really mean
Competitive salary
We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.
Join our fast-paced company
We have no time to train you.
Casual work atmosphere
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.
Some overtime required
Some every night and some every weekend.
Duties will vary
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
Must have an eye for detail
We have no quality assurance.
Career-minded
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
Apply in person
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told that the position has been filled.
Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience
You'll need it to replace the three people who just quit.
Problem-solving skills a must
You're walking into perpetual chaos.
Requires team leadership skills
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
Good communication skills
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
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And here I thought “Good Communication Skills” meant “We’re gonna send all our unhappy customers your way, and you better be able to deal with them.”
So, you looking for somebody for the tire shop? 
__________________
There's no use crying over spilt milk... unless it's on your keyboard.
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08-06-2018, 02:44 PM
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#531
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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Mallzheimer's: When you go to the mall and later forget where you parked your car.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-06-2018, 06:36 PM
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#532
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Multi-Slacker
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,279
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Vegetarian: An old Indian word meaning lousy hunter,
__________________
Safe Travels
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08-09-2018, 04:27 AM
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#533
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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When you're dead you don't know you're dead, it's others who feel the pain.
It's the same if you're stupid.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-10-2018, 05:20 PM
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#534
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Multi-Slacker
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,279
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Some of you may relate to what this Mom has learned ....
Things I've learned from my Boys
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to an open paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
__________________
Safe Travels
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08-15-2018, 08:55 AM
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#535
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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Every time I go shopping I either purchase a lot of stuff or nothing at all. I think I'm buy polar
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-17-2018, 10:42 AM
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#536
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: North of Seattle, WA
Posts: 17,352
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The good old days. When your hair had more body and your body had less hair.
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08-18-2018, 07:29 AM
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#537
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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I think my smart phone is broken....
I pressed my home button but I'm still at work.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-19-2018, 10:52 PM
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#538
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RV There Yet?
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Winona, MN
Posts: 1,140
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what do you call a blind dinosaur?
doyouthinkhesaurus
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08-19-2018, 10:53 PM
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#539
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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Two fortune tellers run into each other in the street... one says to the other "Your fine and how am I?"
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-19-2018, 10:56 PM
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#540
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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So, anyway, I'm in the bar and I say to my buddy,
"You see that glass. Is it half full or half empty?"
He looked at the glass, then me and said,
You drank half my beer again you jerk, didn't you?"
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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