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Old 06-21-2015, 01:44 PM   #1
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Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 15,008
Did I get the job?

At a job interview.

"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't care what you think."

----------------------------------------------

At a job interview: "What are your strengths?"

"I'm an optimist and a positive thinker."

"Can you give me an example?"

"Yes, when do I start?"

------------------------------------------------
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I said, "$100 and it's yours."

------------------------------------------------

At a job interview: "Tell me the best thing about yourself."

"I'm a glass half full type of guy."

"You mean you have a positive outlook, you're a real go-getter?"

"No, I'm an alcoholic."
------------------------------------------------

"I'm confident, bold, and I am not afraid to take risks, " I told the interviewer.

"That may be the case, but would you please get out of my chair and wait outside with the other applicants until your name is called, " he replied.

-------------------------------------------------

I have an interview for a prison job ..or as the prosecution keeps calling it a 'trial'.






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Old 06-25-2015, 11:42 AM   #2
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I spent ten years bodybuilding, I dyed my hair black and coiffed it perfectly, and got large black glasses all for one reason; so that, one day, in a job interview, I could give the perfect answer to a stupid question they always ask: "What would you say is your greatest weakness?"

I would slowly raise my hand, take off my large black glasses, look them in the eye and say,

"Kryptonite"
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Old 06-25-2015, 12:01 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
I spent ten years bodybuilding, I dyed my hair black and coiffed it perfectly, and got large black glasses all for one reason; so that, one day, in a job interview, I could give the perfect answer to a stupid question they always ask: "What would you say is your greatest weakness?"

I would slowly raise my hand, take off my large black glasses, look them in the eye and say,

"Kryptonite"
Are your eyes still brown?
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Old 06-25-2015, 01:42 PM   #4
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Location: jacksonville fl
Posts: 319
I filled out a application yesterday should hear back tomorrow...

NAME: Yes I do have one.

SEX: Not lately.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and if that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Missionary.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked, they wanted results.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30pm -3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries
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