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Old 09-30-2015, 07:02 AM   #1
Senior Member
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Komoka Ontario
Posts: 2,199
For Your Reading Pleasure!

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason that santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self- help section?" she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose..

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

23. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

24. How is it possible to have a civil war?

25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

26. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

27. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

28. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?

29. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

30. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

31. Why is there an expiration date on
sour cream?

32. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become dis-oriented?

33. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god ?

"Well that didn't go as expected"
2015 Chev 2500HD Highcountry Duramax
Cedar Creek Silverback 33IK
Donald&Casey cairn terrier
Rest in Peace Mary my darling wife.
Scottish by birth Canadian by time.
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Old 09-30-2015, 07:38 AM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: HuntsVegas, AL
Posts: 5,511

Thanks Donald!

Bob & Anne-Marie [BamaBob & 6 Actual]
| 2017 Berkshire XLT 43A with Ultrasteer Tag | Blue Ox Avail + KarGard II |
| SMI AF-1 Air Brake | 2016 Jeep Cherokee Overland TOAD | Pedego Bikes |
Nights Camped: 2013 - 24 2014 - 42 2015 - 56 Jul 2016 - Fulltime
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Old 10-01-2015, 11:50 AM   #3
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Eastern GTA, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,929
I can just see Air Farce's "confused philosopher" asking those questions!
2011 Rockwood Signature Ultra Lite 8293SS, 12K Equal-i-zer
2016 Ford F-250 XLT SuperCrew, 6.2L, 4x4, 6'9" bed, 3.73
Fondly remembered:
2010 Rockwood Roo 23SS (2012 - 2014)
2009 Ford F-150 XLT SuperCrew, 5.4L, 4x4, 5'6" bed (2012 - 2016)

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