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Old 06-16-2015, 02:16 PM   #1
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Location: jacksonville fl
Posts: 319
Got this from another site....

Tool Definitions

A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.

An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into
major refinishing jobs.

Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench
with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses
from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh, Will easily
wind a tee shirt off your back.

A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock
out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer
across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully
set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

Channel Locks:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of

One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It
transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more
you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing
else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to
the palm of your hand.

Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and
creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out
of which you want to remove a bearing race.

A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for
testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal!!

Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your
new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large
pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut
on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. Also excels at

A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the stuff you forgot
to disconnect.

Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be
used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted
screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed
to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.

Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a
kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the
object you are trying to hit. Also very effective at fingernail removal.

Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered
to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl
records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and
rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but
only while in use. These can also be used to initiate a trip to the
emergency room so a doctor can sew up the damage.

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Old 06-16-2015, 02:23 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Keller, Texas
Posts: 5,783
Really good - very funny and true.

The definition of the engine hoist is right on.

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Old 06-16-2015, 02:32 PM   #3
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Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,762
So true .....


2005 Dodge 3500 Cummins
2013 Puma Unleashed 356 QLB
1966 Mustang GT
1986 Mustang SVO
Sadie & Lillie Spoiled Rotten Boxers
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