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Old 11-08-2011, 09:34 PM   #1
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Husband and wife

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
"Holy crap. That must be my husband!"

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
He
smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his
car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, "Yeah, then why were you running?"

And then the fight started.....
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Old 11-08-2011, 09:47 PM   #2
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I think that's entrapment!
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Old 11-08-2011, 09:55 PM   #3
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A married woman was entertainig her lover while her husband was at work. Their son had been told to hide in the closet. Unexpectedly, the husband retirned home for somethin he had forgotten. The lover was sent to hide in the clost.

As the husband was in the house, the son said quietly "It's really dark in here". The lover said "For goodness sake be quiet". The response was "I can scream real loud, but I could be quiet for $10." The lover paid up, and again a couple more times before the husband went back to the office.

Next week at the Catholic Church, the boy went to confession. Initially he went through the "Forgive me, Father for I have sinned". Then he said "It's really dark in here". The voice from the other side of the confessional said "Don't start that crap again".
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:01 PM   #4
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A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."

The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:53 AM   #5
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A husband was explaining to his wife that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. The wife said she would like to come back as a cow. He replied, "You're obviously not listening."
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:21 AM   #6
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A wife wakes up on her 10th anniversery and finds her husband sitting at the kitchen table crying.

She smiles and sits beside him as she thinks about how emotional he has become about their anniversery.

Finally he looks up and says, "Honey, remember when your dad caught us and he said I could either marry you or go to jail ?".

"Yes" she says.

He says "I would have been released today."

Bean
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:04 PM   #7
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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...
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Old 11-15-2011, 06:25 PM   #8
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She
said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds."

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...
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Old 11-15-2011, 07:57 PM   #9
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Wife said she wanted to go some place different, some place she had never been for vacation. I said "How about the kitchen"

And then the fight started
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Old 11-15-2011, 08:24 PM   #10
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.


I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my idiot husband is out fishing in that?”
And that’s how the fight started…
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