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Old 08-09-2015, 10:10 AM   #1
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Imbibing around the campfire humor

For all my buddies currently in Goshen:

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Fill in the blanks below:

A_C_H_L

See, sometimes alcohol is the answer.

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Alcohol is the liquid version of photoshop

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The government has warned parents to be wary of drinking when looking after children during the summer holidays, and I have to agree.

I mean, imagine running out.

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Don't abuse alcohol.

Drink it.

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I used to drink a lot. I still do, but I used to, too.

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I decide which beer to drink on a case by case basis

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I'm not an alcoholic.

I'm a soberphobic

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Alcohol is the answer. It may make you forget the question.

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After 16 cans

There was eventually a can't

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I only drink for medicinal purposes, I'm sick of being sober.

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Do I have a drinking problem?

Yes. Affording it.

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Just one time, I'd like to see a bar have a liquidation sale.

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I don't drink water, unless it's been through a brewery first.

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Alcoholic?

I think you mean drinking enthusiast!

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and this last one for Turbs:

I don't fall down when I'm drunk
I do random gravity checks
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Old 08-09-2015, 10:28 AM   #2
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If you remember how good yesterday's vodka was, then it wasn't good.

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Why am I so thirsty this morning after all I drank last night?

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I don't see it as a drinking problem, it's more of a drinking passion.

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I drink to steady my nerves. Last night I got so steady I couldn't move.

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Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers

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I'm allergic to alcohol
I drink a 12 pack and break out in handcuffs

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I drink so much that the last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

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I tried to write a drinking song, but I couldn't get past the first few bars...

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You know you drink too many shots when you swallow your mouthwash in the morning.

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I've been behind bars for the last 10 years, I'm not in prison, I'm a wino!

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Ever been so drunk at the campground, that you take a whiz up against a tree, pull a branch and it flushes?
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Old 08-09-2015, 11:04 AM   #3
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I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank goodness I only drink every night.

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I was so drunk when I got in last night that I picked a fight with a mop.

Wiped the floor with the shaggy-haired idiot.

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Everybody try this - type 'Smirnoff' into your phone using predictive text and see what word it comes up with.

About right if you ask me.

(I did try this and do see the joke)

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When The Hulk goes off into a vicious rage and destroys everything, he's "Incredible."

But when I do it,

I'm, "an alcoholic."

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The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow.

Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.

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It's a ten minute walk from my house to the bar.

Oddly, it's a two hour walk from the bar to my house.

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A man walked in to a bar and said, "I'll have a mug of less, please."

"Less?" the barman replies, "what's that?"

"I don't know either," the man said, "but my doctor told me to drink less."

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Alcohol: Giving you the ambition to do anything...

...while simultaneously taking away your ability to do so.
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