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Old 02-05-2013, 09:07 AM   #11
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One for Software Engineers

How many Microsoft Software Engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None

They deem the new standard to be darkness and leave it alone.

PS. Herk...Your last could be a software engineer joke too. Good one!
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Old 02-05-2013, 09:12 AM   #12
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Seems I know I have a pic for the situation but can't find it type deal.
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Old 02-05-2013, 09:15 AM   #13
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Flow-chart logic. Makes sense to me!
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Old 02-05-2013, 10:44 AM   #14
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An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.

It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build improvements.

Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan and says: "So, how are things in Hell?"

Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

"What!" God exclaims: "You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me."

"Not a chance," Satan replies: "I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"

God insists: "Send him back or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?


Very good - kind of reminds me of an old joke that was told to me when I was a young FAA inspector -

A Pope, a Cardinal and a FAA inspector all die at the same time and report to the Pearly Gates for their housing assignments. The Pope is assigned to a decent, but small house. The cardinal is assigned to a medicore even smaller house and the FAA inspector is assigned to a grand mansion.

Soon word gets around to the Pope and the Cardinial about how the FAA inspector was assigned to a mansion, while they as servants of the Lord all their lives, get assigned to much less lavish housing.

Both of them decide to air their displeasure and meet with God asking why they who have served him all their lives are given smaller houses while the FAA inspector gets a mansion.

The Lord says it is simple - I get Popes and Cardinials here all the time, but this is the first time I ever got a FAA inspector.
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Old 02-05-2013, 10:56 AM   #15
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Couple in their ninetiesare both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they 're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I 'm in the kitchen? ' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream? '
'Sure. '
'Don 't you think you should write it down so you can remember it? ' she asks.
'No, I can remember it. '
'Well, I 'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it? '
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. '
'I 'd also like whipped cream. I 'm certain you 'll forget that, write it down? ' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don 't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake! '
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where 's my toast? '
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Old 02-05-2013, 10:57 AM   #16
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple 's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly. '
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant? '
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that 's red and has thorns. '
'Do you mean a rose? '
'Yes, that 's the one, ' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what 's the name of that restaurant we went to last night? '
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Old 02-05-2013, 10:58 AM   #17
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You 're really doing great, aren 't you? '
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful. ' '
The doctor said, 'I didn 't say that.. I said, 'You 've got a heart murmur; be careful. '
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Old 02-05-2013, 11:02 AM   #18
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WOW, I have to remember these.
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Old 02-05-2013, 11:13 AM   #19
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A wife asks her engineer husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get six."

A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."
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If you're not an engineer, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!

Engineers will get it the first time.
And lawyers will get it the first time too.
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Old 02-05-2013, 11:23 AM   #20
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WOW, I have to remember these.
I wonder how many more of us have come down with the dreaded and contagious "Turbo" disease after reading all of these.
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