Joke - They walk among us - Urban Legends

[Herk7769]

I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....

***

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,MS
***

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'
***

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.

She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
***

I live in a semi rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
***

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had Iceburg lettuce.
***

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
***

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
***

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'

Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
***

I worked with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her computer system would not turn on.
***

[WEMig]

OK, I didn't spit on my computer, but my eyes are surely tearing up!

[asquared]

I don't know I almost pulled a turns on my ipad over the car dealership and the power strip ones.

[bakken]

The scary thing is, I have tried giving clerks extra change so I can get an even dollar back, and very few can handle it. And more often than not, I do get more back than I should.
How do these people survive?

[prairiecamper]

I think I worked with that mechanic trying to unlock the car door!

[wmtire]

Originally Posted by herk7769

I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....

***


***

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.

She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
***


***

These are more true than you know, especially in my town. I have two case in points.

Last week, I went to make a deposit at my local bank. Included in this deposit, I had a check from a customer who had written it for $83.10. This customer originally wrote in the courtesy box of the check 83.30, but changed the 3 to a one. You could see where she overwrote the three. She wrote it out in words (the legal line) correct.

Anyhow, the teller at the bank said she could not accept an altered check. I explained to her it was not altered, the legal line is what you go by anyway (words overrule numbers) and it was only twenty cents anyhow. She went and got an assistant manager who also said the same thing. I told her if the check was bad, it got charged back to my account anyway...so why would she not take it.

The more ridiculous this became, and it was obvious neither one of them knew the law...they started even saying more ridiculous things...that showed their total stupidity. The assistant manager stated that if the woman had initialed the change it would be OK, purely oblivious to what she was saying. I pointed out how would that solve anything, as anyone there could write initials. After realizing how dumb that sounded, she dug her hole even deeper. She then says they would get into trouble with the Feds if they ever got audited. I told her the Feds know the laws, even if she doesn't.

I told her to go get the manager, since I am a commercial account, the branch manager is actually my account officer. She stated the manager is the one who told her not to accept it. I had enough of the ignorance (and lies) by now and told them to hand me back my entire deposit. I proceeded less than a half mile over to another branch of my bank. Pulled up to the window, and made my deposit...no questions asked.

When I got back to the shop, I called the customer service number and told them I wanted my account switched over to the other branch that had employees who had a clue, and explained the story.

I have received calls twice from the manager at the branch with the el stupido's, but haven't returned either yet. I need to tell her to read the Uniform Commercial Code § 3-114, but am not sure she could spell it.

------------------------------------------------------
For story #2, I was in a local grocery store awhile back getting food. When I checked out, I noticed their fancy cash register screens show the cashiers pictures of the change they are supposed to give back. It shows how many bills and their denominations, as well as the coin quantities and values.

EX: If the total bill was $81.35 and I paid a hundred, the screen shows pictures (and shows the actual number of bills/change).... that the cashier is supposed to give me back one ten dollar bill, one five dollar bill, three one dollar bills, two quarters, one dime, and one nickel.

My cashier looked to be in her fifties, and I made a point to ask her if they actually had employees who couldn't count out money correct, even when they know the amount...thus needing the pictures of money. She just rolled her eyes and said at least half of the cashiers there, couldn't do it. She then kind of grinned and pointed to the young cashier at the next line, and whispered to me that she was one of the ones who couldn't.

To be such a technologically advanced country, it seems we are losing a lot of the basics.

[F.R.O.G.]

They not only walk among us, but they also vote and reproduce.

[Bama Rambler]

I was taught to make change at a very young age and now we have college grads that can't do it.

I guess we all have our stories. I must have visited the same chain as Wmtire. I paid and told the cashier that I wanted 5 ones instead of a five and she told me the register didn't tell her how to do that! I told her that the register didn't have to tell her how to do it, just give me five ones instead of the five and she said it's not the same!
I took the change, walked to customer service and handed them the five and asked for 5 ones. The manager (whom I know) asked why didn't I just get them at the register and when I told her the story, she rolled her eyes and said you wouldn't believe what I have to hire these days. I told her, yes I would.

[wmtire]

Originally Posted by herk7769

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.

She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
***

This actually happened to me last night at McDonald's drive thru almost verbatim. I got my son a kid's meal and the total was $4.26. We have been trying to find two certain state quarters and national park quarters, so I always try to get quarters back.

I handed the woman a $5 dollar bill and one penny.

I then watch her start digging out all nickels for my .75 cent change. I told her that I didn't want a bunch of nickels.....so I handed her a quarter to make it $5.26 so I could get a dollar bill back.

She could not grasp this. She starts telling me she has already rung it up and can't change it. I told her she wasn't changing anything....I gave her $5.26 and to give me a dollar back. She just had a blank deer-in-the-headlight stare...and just kept looking at her computer screen. She could not do the math.

Again she tells me that she can't do that, it isn't right. I just start sighing.

She then grabs my five and get's a supervisor, who goes to another register and get's $5 dollars worth of quarters to put in her cash register. She now give's me..................are you ready..............four quarters back.

[dcheatwood]

I stood in line to order a burger, reading the overhead menu, at a quickie place. Being that I don't like cheese, I ordered a bacon burger. The girl looked up and down her menu list and cash register buttons and replied " we don't have bacon burgers." I saw bacon cheese burger on the menu so I order a bacon cheese burger - hold the cheese. She said "OK, would you like cheese with that?" No thank you, I said. Then she apologized for not having a bacon buger.

[BandJCarm]

How do you get through 12 years of school, anywhere, and be that dumb?

When my son was in the Army, he said "Dad, I know I'm not a genius, and I'm not old, but I've seen a FEW folks in my life, and the 'real world' does not have this many idiots in it. Thus, I've concluded that the Army either skews their entrance exams to get them ALL, or there is a training class somewhere in here that teaches it"........

I asked him if he'd had the class yet........

I had a Burger King once have their cash register fail and they wouldn't sell me a burger (kitchen worked FINE) because they wouldn't know how much to charge me. Having a math degree, I offered to A) figure the tax for them, and B) pay more than necessary. The employee and the manager refused, saying that wouldn't work.

So they sat idle, losing money, till cash register repairman came. I assume he could count, but not sure.

[Oaklevel]

We have had the same change issues but the best was a few years ago near DC went to McDonald's & ordered a plain cheeseburger for our son. When we sat down to eat there was no cheese on his cheeseburger.......Upon taking it back the girl looked at us & said you ordered a PLAIN cheeseburger...... I had to ask..... I thought that no cheese was a hamburger then what is a plain hamburger just the bun??????????

[Poppy Bill]

This is the future.

[Garrette]

Being part smarts... I always try to help our youth. You know, I have had a seen couple of ah ha moments. You would have thought I just gave them the secret of the universe. It is funny though.

[Barney1]

To make it worse in Canada we just got rid of the penny. When paying cash everything is rounded to the nearest 5¢ but if paying by debit or credit card you pay the exact amount.

The teller and consumer confusion is fun to watch.

[DDC]

Yes but we are told it is cruel to make kids learn the times tables so here we are being kind to them by letting them be stupid.

As a Canadian we get treated differently in the U s when we get gas, this bugs me when I pull the trailer and have to go in and pay first even when using a card, anyway we were in Georgia and stopped for gas so I told the kid I wanted 23 gallons, he looked at the card looked at me and said what's that, I explained that gas is sold in gallons and he said we can't do that here, he had a calculator so he had a math lesson for free he was amazed. I don't blame the kids I blame parents who keep wanting to change and improve things it's a shame a damned shame.

[Oaklevel]

Thanks!!!!! Happy Happy Happy


Our DIL teaches US and World History in High School.... you would not believe some of the answers on tests & papers she gets...... It is alot of fun when she is over & grading papers...... All of her students are not that way but many are... I think she she should save the best & write a book later on ....

[BamaBob]

hehe - my DW calls it "Math Water Boarding" when I do the various "change tricks" to our math-deficient cashiers (like others, my favorite is to hand $10.00 to a cashier for a $5.26 bill, have the machine think for them and then say OH WAIT, here - and hand them 26¢ -- and watch the fun commence...

On another albeit more subtle "they walk among us" note comes from New York City (which I understand has a rather large Jewish population) this sign was spotted in a NY Deli (Snopes verified!)

Oy Veh!!