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Old 01-26-2015, 06:41 AM   #1
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Lexophile

Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish," or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."

A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the twisted crop:

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

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Old 01-29-2015, 09:18 AM   #2
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:58 PM   #3
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When a school of fly fish, fly are they called a flock.
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Old 01-31-2015, 06:21 AM   #4
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Seven days without sex makes one week.

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Old 01-31-2015, 10:31 AM   #5
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I heard this one and think I remember it right...


You can kiss a nun but don't get into the habit.
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Old 01-31-2015, 12:38 PM   #6
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When a short man dances with a tall lady he gets a bust in the mouth.
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Old 01-31-2015, 02:23 PM   #7
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Local Area Network in Australia or LAN down under.
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Old 01-31-2015, 03:28 PM   #8
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Pilot that flys plane upside down has crack up.
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Old 02-01-2015, 08:42 AM   #9
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I wondered why the baseball was getting larger, then it hit me.


Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
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Old 02-01-2015, 10:28 AM   #10
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A midget was arrested for running an unlicensed fortune telling business. He managed to escape on the way to the police station. The headline read:
"Small Medium at Large."
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