Marriage joke

[wmtire]

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. Near the end, you'll wish you had a club and a spade.

[judy3972]

Hope that's not your personal experience.

[Herk7769]

Ah, in the springtime a young girl's fancy turns to romance.
A young boy's fancy turns to motorcycles.

[OldCoot]

Was visiting an elderly gentlemen and looked out the window and saw a gorgeous amply endowed young lady in short shorts & halter top get out of her car and approach this gentleman's door. The old gent ask if I would answer the door as the young lady was his neighbor. I said yes and opened the door to the young lady. She said: "I am lonely, horny and want to have a drink and make love all night. Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "I have no plans for the night." She replied, "Good, will you watch my dog tonight?"

[Rod Johnson]

Love is like a fart.

If you have to force it, things might get... messy?

[wmtire]

Originally Posted by judy3972

Hope that's not your personal experience.

Well, I am in the middle of a divorce right now.....is it showing.

[rockwood06]

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18 hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it, when she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and with out missing a beat, she says: well, that's great.....that's just great.......some a__hole's got my pen!

[cfsoistman]

Bob knew his wife had been messing around behind his back and he decided to take care of the problem. One afternoon he calls home and the maid answers the phone. Bob asks is my wife there? Yes replies the maid. And she's with that man again Bob yells, Yes sir she replies. They're in our bedroom having sex aren't they? Yes sir. Bob tells the maid I want you to go into my office and get my gun out the top right drawer of the desk, go upstairs and shoot both of them. The maid refuses until Bob threatens deportation of her and her family. I will do it she franticly replies. Bob listens as she leaves the room. He hears running and screaming and the sound of gun fire. After a few moments the maid returns to the phone and tells him I did it, I did it, I shot them both, her in the bedroom but he got outside but it's ok I shot him and he fell right into the pool. Bob panics - POOL? Is this 555- ?

[Herk7769]

The maid asked for a pay increase, but the wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: "Now, why do you want a pay increase?"


Maid: "Well, there are tree reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"


Maid: "Your husband said so."
Wife: "Oh yeah?"


Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"


Maid: "Your husband did."
Wife increasingly agitated: "Oh he did; did he???"


Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth. "And did my husband say that as well?"

Maid: "No ... the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"