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Old 05-30-2015, 09:27 PM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 16,550
Modern humor

Want to know how to Get a Flat Stomach & Perfect Abs in 2 to 3 Weeks?

Hmmmm let me see......



I currently own a system which is exactly 14 times better than Windows 7.

I call it: Windows 98.


I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution.



Bob is unemployed and applies for a job as a janitor at Microsoft. A manager at Human Resources interviews him in detail then asks him to wipe a few floors as a test.

"OK," says the interviewer, "you're hired. Just give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the necessary documents."

Bob says that he doesn't have a computer, so obviously has no e-mail address. The Microsoft interviewer tells him that without an e-mail address he virtually doesn't exist, so the company is unable to hire him.

Disappointed and frustrated, Bob leaves the building with only 10 dollars in his pocket. He decides to go to the nearest supermarket and buy 10 pounds of tomatoes. He sells the tomatoes door-to-door and within two hours has doubled his capital. He repeats the process three times and ends up with 160 dollars.

Realizing that he can make a living this way, Bob works hard from early morning to late at night. Every day, he doubles or even triples his capital. After a short time, he buys a small van, then a truck, and soon he has an entire fleet for his deliveries.

Within 5 years, Bob has established one of the largest food retail chains in the USA. He decides to think about his future and wants to get a financial plan drawn up for himself and his family. He contacts a financial consultant and they compile a pension plan. At the end of the discussion, the consultant asks Bob for his e-mail address in order to send him the corresponding documents, only to hear that Bob still does not own a computer and has no e-mail address.

"That's weird," says the consultant. "You have built up a massive retail empire and you don't even have an e-mail address. Just imagine what you would have achieved if you'd had a computer."

Bob thinks for a minute, then says: "I'd be a janitor at Microsoft."




I tried to log in on my iPad. Turns out it was an Etch A Sketch and I don't own an iPad.

Also, I'm out of vodka.


Amazon Kindle App: "Buy Now, Read Everywhere"

Y'know what else you can buy now and read everywhere? A book.


My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.


Monopoly 2015 US edition:

- the jail has no spaces left

- there's no free parking

- no-one can buy any houses because they can't get a mortgage

- win or lose, you still have to bail out the banker

My sister warned me the other day that the police are cracking down on illegal downloads and that I should delete all my songs just in case.

Yeah, if the cops seize my P.C, illegally downloaded music will be the least of my worries.


My PC is so powerful it can bend the whole space time continuum...

Because "A few seconds remaining" lasts a hour.


2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS

Iíve lost my scapegoat.
I have nobody to blame but myself.
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Old 06-04-2015, 07:32 AM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: MA
Posts: 95
So we are on a tour of an RV factory and ask "Why is the wood marked grade D?" Answer: "Because there is no grade E."

Jo, Elliott, Cloey & Zoey (Havanese sisters)
Georgetown 2014 328TS; 2010 Toyota Corolla
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Old 06-05-2015, 10:38 PM   #3
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Location: North Carolina
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I love my computer because all of my friends live inside it. - anonymous
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