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Old 11-18-2015, 02:59 PM   #21
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I didn't get up in time to make it to the gym this morning.

That makes five years in a row now...
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Old 11-18-2015, 03:10 PM   #22
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So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
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A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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Old 11-18-2015, 03:22 PM   #23
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Usually, throwing money at a problem will solve it.

However, if your problem is a fire, it'll probably make it worse.
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Old 11-18-2015, 03:39 PM   #24
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My lawyer is a very smart guy.

He earns from my mistakes.
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Old 11-18-2015, 03:42 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cowracer View Post
Today, I beat my personal record of number of consecutive days lived.

Tim
Me too!

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Old 11-18-2015, 04:02 PM   #26
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I really miss not being able to slam the phone down on people. Violently pressing the "End Call" button just doesn't quite have the same effect.
Try a referee's whistle
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Old 11-18-2015, 05:38 PM   #27
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Change is a part of life.

After all, you can't expect always to have the right amount in cash.
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Old 11-18-2015, 05:40 PM   #28
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People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

They should use them to build real houses.
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Old 11-18-2015, 05:47 PM   #29
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Why isn't "Phonetic" spelled Phonetically ?
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Old 11-18-2015, 05:54 PM   #30
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Early to bed, early to rise, till you have enough money to do otherwise.
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Old 11-18-2015, 05:55 PM   #31
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As I lay there in intensive care, I realized 'the bigger they are, the harder they fall' was a little wide of the mark, and 'the bigger they are, the harder they punch' is a far more accurate idiom.
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Old 11-18-2015, 06:04 PM   #32
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You can take a horse to water but a pencil has to be led. (Lead)
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Old 11-18-2015, 06:05 PM   #33
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Correct me if I'm right !
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Old 11-18-2015, 06:56 PM   #34
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It has now been proven by the experts, that fertility is hereditary. If your parents don't have kids, then you won't either.
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Old 11-18-2015, 07:43 PM   #35
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It isn't that I'm not a people person, I'm just not a stupid people person.
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Old 11-18-2015, 07:44 PM   #36
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Why is it that whenever someone says "with all due respect", they're just about to say something that will hack someone off?
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:34 PM   #37
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Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:43 PM   #38
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why is abbreviation such a long word?

why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:49 PM   #39
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What if the hokey pokey really IS what it is all about?
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:51 PM   #40
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Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
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