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Old 11-18-2015, 11:15 PM   #41
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Think about the man who invented the "universal solvent" and couldn't find a container to put it in.
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Old 11-19-2015, 06:00 PM   #42
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The world would be a nicer place if everyone just took a chill pill

It would get even better if some of them choked on it
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Ducks are just all-terrain chickens
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Old 11-19-2015, 06:02 PM   #43
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I miss being the age when I thought I would have my stuff together by the time I was the age I am now..
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Old 11-21-2015, 10:36 AM   #44
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Taking Your Shirt Off When Your Fighting Is A Great Way To Tell The Police Who To Arrest!
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Old 11-21-2015, 08:22 PM   #45
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Why is the Department of the Interior in charge of everything outdoors?
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Old 11-22-2015, 12:44 PM   #46
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if Rogaine really works, why don't you end up with hair on your palms

If women are such great multi-taskers why can't they have sex and a headache at the same time

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit Salad.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

How come car keys are the only keys with teeth on both sides?

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
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Old 11-25-2015, 06:09 AM   #47
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I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.

Somebody is going to be wrong.
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Old 11-25-2015, 06:11 AM   #48
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I have a friend named Jay.

We call him J for short.
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:40 AM   #49
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Why is it that whenever I lose my truck keys I always find them in the last place I look.
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Old 11-25-2015, 03:16 PM   #50
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It's not the destination, it's the journey... Except when you're heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
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