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Old 12-01-2015, 06:35 AM   #71
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I've forgotten more than most people know about amnesia.
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Ducks are just all-terrain chickens
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:36 AM   #72
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Money talks

So why doesn't it speak up when I lose it down the back of the couch?
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Ducks are just all-terrain chickens
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Old 12-01-2015, 12:05 PM   #73
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Quote:
Originally Posted by schrederman View Post
Close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades, atom bombs... and artillery....
FIFY

As I dove into turn two at Texas World Speedway, I ran out of traction and talent at the same time...
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Old 12-01-2015, 02:28 PM   #74
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Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

It's weird that we cook bacon and bake cookies.

Surely if a tomato is a fruit, that makes ketchup a jam.

Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.

Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions.

Onion rings are vegetable donuts.
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:02 PM   #75
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If you can't read this, you're illiterate.
Or Chinese!
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Old 12-01-2015, 09:44 PM   #76
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Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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Old 12-01-2015, 09:51 PM   #77
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Can you cry under water?
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Old 12-01-2015, 09:54 PM   #78
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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
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Old 12-01-2015, 09:54 PM   #79
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your buttocks?
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Old 12-01-2015, 09:55 PM   #80
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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
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