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Old 03-21-2016, 10:54 PM   #1061
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Hey ccsvolsfan, thanks for the setup to the following joke:

What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

— You get your house, your wife, your dog, and your truck back...
I'm good with house, dog and truck...
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Old 03-22-2016, 12:05 AM   #1062
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
Hey ccsvolsfan, thanks for the setup to the following joke:

What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

— You get your house, your wife, your dog, and your truck back...
Reminds me of the "perfect country and western song:"

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Old 03-26-2016, 09:21 AM   #1063
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Six Terms Used By The Wife And What They Really Mean:

#1 FINE – This word is used to end an argument when she knows she is right and you need to shut-up.

#2 NOTHING – This means something and you need to be worried.

#3 GO AHEAD – This is a dare, not permission, do not do it.

#4 WHATEVER – The Wife’s way of cursing you.

#5 THAT’S OKAY – This means she is thinking how you will pay for your mistake.

#6 WOW! – This is not a compliment. She is amazed at your stupidity.
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Old 03-28-2016, 10:10 PM   #1064
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A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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Old 03-28-2016, 10:15 PM   #1065
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Old 03-29-2016, 05:52 PM   #1066
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My blonde girlfriend hates reading so I suggested she try some books on tape.

"I may be a blonde" she replied "but I know how to use tape."
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 04-05-2016, 03:36 PM   #1067
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My next door neighbor must be a big jerk! Every person on the street apart from him and me, have put their houses up for sale. Wait, He's just put his up too.
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Old 04-05-2016, 03:38 PM   #1068
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More relationship humor

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Well it was until I got the weedkiller out and wrote "stupid" on my neighbors lawn.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 04-05-2016, 03:44 PM   #1069
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Earlier I was downloading some software for my other half, when she asked how it was doing.

I replied, '50%'

She said, 'Is that 50% done, or left to go'

And she's allowed to vote
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 04-05-2016, 03:56 PM   #1070
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I ask my wife why she says prolly, which she's says because it's shorter than probably...

When I get asked to do something, I just say No, because it's shorter than Yes...
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