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Old 09-03-2015, 02:03 PM   #201
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Old 09-03-2015, 03:05 PM   #202
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Too funny
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Old 09-03-2015, 03:10 PM   #203
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THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding......................-10
You reply, "Where?".............................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt".........-100
Any other response..............................-20
"Its not the dress that makes you look fat, its the fat that makes you look fat"---Al Bundy
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Old 09-03-2015, 03:55 PM   #204
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"Its not the dress that makes you look fat, its the fat that makes you look fat"---Al Bundy
And you just lost a thousand points! ROFL!!!
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Old 09-04-2015, 08:12 AM   #205
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I found out my wife was leaving me for my brother, so I marched over to his house last night to give him a piece of my mind.

"Hold on, Dave!" he said, "What's with the champagne bottles?"
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A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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Old 09-04-2015, 08:13 AM   #206
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My wife has become a mother for the first time.

So from now on, her and her opinions are the most important thing on Facebook and Twitter.
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A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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Old 09-04-2015, 01:37 PM   #207
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I asked my wife what she'd like me to get her for our 25th wedding anniversary and she said, "Darling, nothing would please me more than a World Cruise."

So, I got her nothing........ but she doesn't seem to be pleased.





I know several guys who will read this and try it.
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Old 09-04-2015, 02:53 PM   #208
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I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend.

Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a parking lot.
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Old 09-04-2015, 03:02 PM   #209
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Bobby, you need to go camping!
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Old 09-04-2015, 03:04 PM   #210
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Bobby, you need to go camping!
Way ahead of you. Heading out tomorrow.
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Old 09-04-2015, 03:06 PM   #211
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And don't take any women with you or you'll come back with more stories!
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Old 09-04-2015, 03:08 PM   #212
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And don't take any women with you or you'll come back with more stories!
Hmmm, so are you saying you want me to stop?
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Old 09-04-2015, 03:12 PM   #213
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I don't think you can.

But I want to help you so proceed and let it all out.
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Old 09-04-2015, 04:04 PM   #214
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I was arguing with the wife about the upcoming holiday weekend, the other day.

I want to go camping, she wants to come with me.
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Old 09-05-2015, 09:15 AM   #215
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After 127 days, 3 hours, 39 minutes and 14 seconds, my girlfriend left me because I have OCD.
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Old 09-06-2015, 07:25 AM   #216
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"Its not the dress that makes you look fat, its the fat that makes you look fat"---Al Bundy

That guy was my hero
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Old 09-06-2015, 12:23 PM   #217
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That guy was my hero
Ed O'Neill now plays Jay Pritchett on Modern Family. Not quite the same as his character on MWC.
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Old 09-06-2015, 11:52 PM   #218
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Ed O'Neill now plays Jay Pritchett on Modern Family. Not quite the same as his character on MWC.

I can't stand modern family
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Old 09-07-2015, 12:11 PM   #219
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I can't stand modern family
Modern?

Family?

That's not my opinion of MY modern family.

Mine just sits there staring at a "Dumb" phone!

I just don't get this new form of intelligence.
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Old 09-07-2015, 05:14 PM   #220
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Modern?

Family?

That's not my opinion of MY modern family.

Mine just sits there staring at a "Dumb" phone!

I just don't get this new form of intelligence.
Hmm, does this include you
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