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Old 04-14-2016, 02:12 PM   #1091
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Dear 13 year old girl on Facebook: how are you in a complicated
relationship? Did he give you a crayon you didn't like?
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 04-14-2016, 02:35 PM   #1092
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So true:



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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 04-14-2016, 02:38 PM   #1093
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That pesky tattoo of your now ex:

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Old 04-26-2016, 04:24 PM   #1094
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First trip of year.

2011 Ford F350 fx4 6.7 SRW
2016 Sandpiper 360PDEK
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Old 04-26-2016, 05:31 PM   #1095
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First trip of year.

2011 Ford F350 fx4 6.7 SRW
2016 Sandpiper 360PDEK

Ahh, come on, we can come up with a better caption than that.

Let's see, this is the relationship humour thread, so how about:

"As part of the divorce settlement the wife got the house, and I got to keep whatever I could fit in the RV.

Well, I showed her."






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Old 04-27-2016, 02:50 PM   #1096
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If I learned anything in my 23 years on Earth, is that it's OK to lie about your age.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 04-27-2016, 03:03 PM   #1097
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If I learned anything in my 23 years on Earth, is that it's OK to lie about your age.


Started telling lies about my age long before 23 years old. Started about the time I decided that I liked beer. Now, many/many decades later I still get carded.
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Old 04-27-2016, 03:24 PM   #1098
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Things to know about women:

Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.

Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her.

Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oreal (who is obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).

Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.

Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early.

A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.

On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.

Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.

About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 04-27-2016, 03:35 PM   #1099
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Things to know about women, part 2:

Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.

The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.

Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.

The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.

During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.

Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.

Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat crazy or just plain mean.


.............and the number 1 thing that all men should know about women:

When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 04-27-2016, 03:37 PM   #1100
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Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
Things to know about women, part 2:

Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.

The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.

Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.

The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.

During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.

Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.

Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat crazy or just plain mean.


.............and the number 1 thing that all men should know about women:

When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.
Until they hit menopause!

That's also why all my vehicles have dual zone A/C!
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