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08-10-2019, 10:16 AM
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#2201
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
I've reached that age now where I see a pretty girl on the street and think, 'If only I was 20 years younger, and attractive to women.'
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During my last single days.... I discovered that girls do not like mid to late 40s balding fat guy(6’ and 230 at the time). Market had gotten small...luckily I reunited with a lady from when I was in my 20s who “remembered the past look” and saw past my oldness.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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08-10-2019, 10:31 AM
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#2202
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,913
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iwannacamp
During my last single days.... I discovered that girls do not like mid to late 40s balding fat guy(6’ and 230 at the time). Market had gotten small...luckily I reunited with a lady from when I was in my 20s who “remembered the past look” and saw past my oldness.
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This comment for some reason reminded me of the hot matrix posted way back in post #111 above. It was the second matrix for women, that talked about at a certain money point, looks didn't matter.
But after paying for my last divorce and at my age....I'm going to have to find one too that can remember better times. Lol
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-12-2019, 02:04 AM
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#2203
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,913
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My father was always so strict with me when I was a child.
"Son, how old are you?", he often asked.
"Five", I said.
"At your age I was already six!".
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2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-14-2019, 09:57 PM
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#2204
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 5,055
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__________________
Al
I am starting to think, that I will never be old enough--------to know better.
Tolerance will reach such a level that intelligent people will be banned from thinking so as not to offend the imbeciles. Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky, Russian Novelist
S.E. Mich. Flagstaff 26FKWS / 2022 F-150 3.5 EcoBoost SCrew Propride
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08-14-2019, 10:48 PM
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#2205
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 781
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And just like that, everybody was happy.
__________________
2016 RAM 2500 Cummins SLT Lone Star 4X4 LB
2016 Windjammer 3029W Platinum
I'm not an expert. But I play one on the internet.
You live & learn or you don't live long.
If you don't punish your children, life will.
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08-16-2019, 08:43 AM
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#2206
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,913
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Something I have figured out about women:
Your current girlfriend doesn't like being referred to as your current girlfriend.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-16-2019, 10:57 AM
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#2207
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RV There Yet?
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Winona, MN
Posts: 1,139
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
Something I have figured out about women:
Your current girlfriend doesn't like being referred to as your current girlfriend.
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Introduce her as your future ex-wife
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2018 17RP
2009 Crew Cab King Ranch F150 "Goose"
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08-16-2019, 11:10 AM
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#2208
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Q: How do you transfer funds even faster than electronic banking?
A: By getting Married!
Q: Whats the difference between love and marriage?
A: Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener!
Q: What is the ideal marriage?
A: A marriage between a deaf man and a blind woman
Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.
Q: What kind of institution is Marriage?
A: One where a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Q: What does a boyfriend and mascara have in common?
A: They both run at the first sign of emotion.
Q: Whats the definition of a happy marriage?
A: One where the husband gives and the wife takes.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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08-16-2019, 11:11 AM
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#2209
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Q: Why did the polygamist cross the aisle?
A: To get to the other bride.
Q: If love is 'grand', what is divorce?
A: A hundred grand, or more.
Q: Which one of your children will never grow up and move away?
A: Your husband!
Q: Why shouldn't you marry a tennis player?
A: Because love means nothing to them
Q: What's a boyfriends idea of honesty in a relationship?
A: Telling you his real name.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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08-16-2019, 11:15 AM
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#2210
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Q: When another man steals your wife, what's your best revenge?
A: Let the sorry booger keep her!
Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds
Q: Who is the perfect husband?
A: One who keeps his mouth shut and his checkbook open!
Q: How is a marriage like a hot bath?
A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot
Q: How is marriage different than most wars?
A: it's the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q: What's the difference between marriage and death?
A: Dead people are free
Q: What kind of process is Marriage?
A: A process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred
Q: Why is marriage is like a violin?
A: After all the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached.
Q: What’s the difference between love and marriage?
A: Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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08-16-2019, 11:22 AM
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#2211
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Q: Why are boyfriends like parking spaces?
A: The good ones are always taken!
Q: What kind of sport is Marriage?
A: One where the trapped animal has to buy the license!
Q: Why do men need mistresses?
A: To break the monogamy
Q: What's the easiest way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Forget it once!
Q: Why do brides cry at weddings?
A: Because they never marry the best man!
on: Is it true, Dad? I heard that in India, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.
Father: That happens everywhere, son... everywhere!
Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.
My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is new.
According to the statistics, the most frequently sent SMS message from men is: "I love you too."
Marriage is a great institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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08-16-2019, 12:39 PM
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#2212
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: At home
Posts: 1,446
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I told my wife, "Honey you need to embrace your mistakes..."
She stood up and hugged me.
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08-17-2019, 07:34 AM
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#2213
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: At home
Posts: 1,446
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
Yep, true story.
Look, I may need to clarify somewhat. Just cause I tell jokes like this doesn't mean I'm upset because I'm divorced.
I'm upset because I'm not a widower.
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08-17-2019, 07:39 AM
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#2214
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: Gibsonville NC
Posts: 101
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My uncle used to say that he never knew what happiness was until he got married - and then it was too late!
__________________
Attila the Pun (aka Bruce Reaves)
accompanied by DB (my Darlin' Bride) aka Carol
and Biff - our 9-yr-old pitweiler (pitbull/rotweiler mix)
2021 Flagstaff E-Pro E19FD - our 4th camper
It's not just a life - it's an adventure!
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08-17-2019, 11:36 AM
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#2215
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,913
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We were arguing about something, and the wife said to me, "You can't compare apples and oranges."
I replied, "Yes you can, they're both fruits."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-17-2019, 12:09 PM
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#2216
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Georgia
Posts: 581
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Wife and I always call a truce when arriving at the camp site and going thru the backing in exercise.... anything said to one another during that 10 minutes is immediately forgotten and off the record.
Arrived at CG last weekend by myself and well after dark... a very difficult site to back in to. 3 guys came out to assist and spot me.
Boy did I miss my wife.
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08-17-2019, 02:19 PM
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#2217
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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More relationship humor
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbaldwin
Wife and I always call a truce when arriving at the camp site and going thru the backing in exercise.... anything said to one another during that 10 minutes is immediately forgotten and off the record.
Arrived at CG last weekend by myself and well after dark... a very difficult site to back in to. 3 guys came out to assist and spot me.
Boy did I miss my wife.
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Lol. I understand. One trip while camping in a small group we arrived after DD and her group did. Her significant other came out to assist while the DW was yacking... I finally got out of the truck and went and got her. We NOW have an understanding...she is the spotter. She knows what I need to know and keeps my worry down.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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08-17-2019, 02:35 PM
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#2218
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Georgia
Posts: 581
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T wo saying right.... one saying left..... no the wheel! Stop.... over this way.....all standing in various spots... You see this tree dont you!!!
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08-19-2019, 01:22 PM
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#2219
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 5,055
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A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for what they should be looking for.
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
__________________
Al
I am starting to think, that I will never be old enough--------to know better.
Tolerance will reach such a level that intelligent people will be banned from thinking so as not to offend the imbeciles. Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky, Russian Novelist
S.E. Mich. Flagstaff 26FKWS / 2022 F-150 3.5 EcoBoost SCrew Propride
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08-19-2019, 01:36 PM
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#2220
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Multi-Slacker
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,279
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Contemplating ...
__________________
Safe Travels
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