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Old 06-20-2016, 08:02 PM   #1141
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My friend keeps trying to convince me that heís a compulsive liar but I donít believe him.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 06-20-2016, 08:03 PM   #1142
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Itís always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because theyíre always taking things literally.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 06-20-2016, 08:03 PM   #1143
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My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 06-20-2016, 08:04 PM   #1144
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I like to hold hands at the moviesÖ which always seems to startle strangers.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 06-22-2016, 09:35 PM   #1145
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My wife probably tells me I never listen to her.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 06-22-2016, 09:36 PM   #1146
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50% of parenting is looking for things with your kids that you have already thrown away.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 06-22-2016, 09:39 PM   #1147
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Boy come home from school and told his mother he had gotten the major part in the upcoming school play when she ask what part that was he told her he gets to play the husband. She told him no you do not go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part..
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Old 06-23-2016, 01:34 PM   #1148
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I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby.

Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 07-05-2016, 09:44 AM   #1149
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My wife left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mom's."

I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 07-05-2016, 10:40 PM   #1150
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
My wife left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mom's."

I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
now thats funny
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