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Old 07-07-2016, 07:36 PM   #1151
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 07-07-2016, 08:00 PM   #1152
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Mercy
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Old 07-09-2016, 01:01 PM   #1153
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Most turkeys taste better the day after Thanksgiving, my wife's tasted better the day before.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 07-09-2016, 01:04 PM   #1154
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Most turkeys taste better the day after Thanksgiving, my wife's tasted better the day before.
Now we know why you are in the present marital status.
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Old 07-09-2016, 03:27 PM   #1155
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My 1st real lesson of married life.

We were married about 18 months and building our 1st house. The cabinet guy came out to measure and take the order for cabinets and appliances.
He said "where would you like the dishwasher?"

I said "Buy one?? I married one!"

I paid for that lesson for a long time.
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Old 07-09-2016, 03:55 PM   #1156
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Now we know why you are in the present marital status.
Neil, I'm not sure I understand that comment because I'm not presently in a marital status..... oh wait, now I get it.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 07-14-2016, 09:57 AM   #1157
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Marriage is when the man loses his Bachelors Degree, and the woman gets her Masters Degree.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 07-14-2016, 09:58 AM   #1158
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 07-24-2016, 02:57 PM   #1159
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ALIMONY is ...

A contraction of the phrase "all his money."

A form of maintenance by which, if you don't pay in due time, you'll do time.

A husband's cash-surrender value.

A man's transition from a co-starring spot to a supporting role.

A matter of wife and debt.

A pay-as-you-go plan.

A pension that helps take the drudgery out of household duties.

A system like having the TV set on after one has fallen asleep.

A time balm.

A war debt.

A wife's guaranteed annual wage.

A word often spelled "ali-moan-y" by divorced husbands.

An allowance which enables a woman who was unhappily married to be happily unmarried.

An award in court, where a woman says to her divorced husband, "Buy now-pay later."

Bounty from the mutiny.

The payment by one for the mistakes of two.

Giving comfort to the enemy.

Heart-earned money.

Like buying oats for a dead horse.

Matrimony's price of peace.

Paying installments on a car after the wreck.

Taxation without representation.

The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

The high cost of leaving; the high cost of loving.

The marital version of "Fly now, pay later."

The matrimonial institution's severance pay.

The take from a mistake.
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Old 07-24-2016, 03:08 PM   #1160
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Our parents got divorced when we were kids and it was kind of cool. We got to go to divorce court with them.

It was like a game show. My mom won the house and car. We're all excited. My dad got some luggage.
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