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Old 08-29-2016, 01:22 PM   #1181
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I've learnt a life lesson today.

Next time I walk into the house and see my wife crying, I'm not going to say "Is it because of your new haircut?"
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 08-30-2016, 10:57 AM   #1182
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I couldn't believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't actually mine.

She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 08-30-2016, 10:58 AM   #1183
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My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.

But I laugh more.
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Old 08-30-2016, 11:00 AM   #1184
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Recently, my wife and I got a stuffed elephant for our living room.

"It'll be great!" I said. "It'll be a huge talking point at our dinner party this weekend."

But nobody mentioned it.
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Old 09-09-2016, 10:56 AM   #1185
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My wife and daughter said they are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!
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Old 09-09-2016, 11:02 AM   #1186
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My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
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Old 09-09-2016, 09:28 PM   #1187
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What did our parents do when they were bored before the internet?

I asked my 26 brothers & sisters and they didn't know either.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-09-2016, 09:45 PM   #1188
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What did our parents do when they were bored before the internet?

I asked my 26 brothers & sisters and they didn't know either.
lol, that's a good one
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Old 09-09-2016, 10:01 PM   #1189
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Mayberry

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was that nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Opie, and Clara were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he was always drunk!

Ponder those thoughts.....................

Bob
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Old 09-09-2016, 10:34 PM   #1190
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The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was that nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Opie, and Clara were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he was always drunk!

Ponder those thoughts.....................

Bob
You know - you're right.

You ever see Otis's wife? No wonder he was always drunk.
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