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Old 09-20-2016, 09:39 AM   #1201
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My mom asked if I could help her set up this massive surprise birthday party for my brother.


That's when I realized he was the favorite twin.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-22-2016, 05:34 PM   #1202
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My wife reckons I can be a bit patronizing...... (That means I treat everyone like they're stupid)
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-25-2016, 07:00 PM   #1203
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The person who says "I can't stand all the drama" is usually the one causing it
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-25-2016, 07:07 PM   #1204
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Children are like farts: usually you can never wait to get away from anyone else's
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Old 09-25-2016, 07:18 PM   #1205
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I don't judge a person based on skin color, religion, or gender/orientation. I judge them based on how many times they say "like" in a random 5-minute period.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-26-2016, 11:51 AM   #1206
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Sign for sale in a Gift Shop

Sitting beside my husband I said "I love You."

He replied "Is that you or the wine talking?"

I said "It's me talking to the wine."
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Old 09-29-2016, 09:08 AM   #1207
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Kudos to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie!

They really went out of their way to make their adoptive children feel like a part of an authentic American family by getting a divorce.
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Old 09-29-2016, 08:13 PM   #1208
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DH says I need this attitude when he parks the TT

DH says I need this attitude when he parks the TT ......

Laughing Horses
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Old 09-29-2016, 10:09 PM   #1209
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There was an airplane crash, every single person on board died, but yet two people survived. How is this possible?
The two were married.
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Old 09-30-2016, 02:13 PM   #1210
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"If my wife really loved me, she would have married someone else !"
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