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Old 10-04-2016, 10:05 AM   #1231
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Sitting beside my husband I said "I love You."

He replied "Is that you or the wine talking?"

I said "It's me talking to the wine."



That's my wife for sure!
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Old 10-04-2016, 05:47 PM   #1232
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A cute girl from work asked if I'd drive her home yesterday because it was raining heavily. I agreed, and we got to talking, mainly about everyday things, what we liked doing, then about work for a bit.

We got to her house before long. She thanked me, went to get out of the car, stopped, looked hard at me and said, "How did you know where I lived?"
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-07-2016, 12:01 AM   #1233
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I made my grandfather a rocking chair

It wasn't meant to rock, I'm just a terrible carpenter.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-07-2016, 09:24 AM   #1234
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An annoying man asked me for directions the other day.

I told him where to go.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-07-2016, 09:38 AM   #1235
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Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
An annoying man asked me for directions the other day.

I told him where to go.
We you talking to a mirror?
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Old 10-10-2016, 09:50 AM   #1236
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My mother-in-law has got a massive case of diarrhea





But she won't find out until she unpacks her luggage
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Old 10-12-2016, 09:46 AM   #1237
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I think I promised the wife.... that I would have three beers and be home by ten.

I always get those two mixed up.
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Old 10-14-2016, 01:12 PM   #1238
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When you're young, you think your dad is Superman. Then as you get older, you realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape.
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Old 10-14-2016, 01:16 PM   #1239
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What is marriage?

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore.
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Old 10-14-2016, 01:24 PM   #1240
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Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
A cute girl from work asked if I'd drive her home yesterday because it was raining heavily. I agreed, and we got to talking, mainly about everyday things, what we liked doing, then about work for a bit.

We got to her house before long. She thanked me, went to get out of the car, stopped, looked hard at me and said, "How did you know where I lived?"
Am I really stupid?
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