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Old 07-28-2015, 02:28 AM   #121
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My wife said she was going to chase her dream of becoming slim.

So far the dream has lapped her three times.

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My wife said she'd like another baby...

...I agreed, the one we have is annoying!

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Looking forward to the kids growing up and getting their own houses so I can do a big job in their toilet and forget to flush it.

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My girlfriend says that I never solve my own problems.

How do I prove her wrong?
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Old 07-28-2015, 12:15 PM   #122
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My wife wears the pants in our relationship.

Because I make her.

Her legs are hideous.
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Old 07-28-2015, 05:20 PM   #123
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"Don't look at me like I'm an idiot," said my wife.

It was the last time I ever saw her.
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Old 07-29-2015, 10:20 AM   #124
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Old 07-29-2015, 11:34 AM   #125
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I took my son to school for the first time today and was amazed at the amount of moms turning up in 4 x 4's. I thought to myself, they will never use those for off-roading.

Then I saw them trying to park.
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Old 07-29-2015, 12:41 PM   #126
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lmfao! great thread!
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Old 07-29-2015, 02:06 PM   #127
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Wedding - a funeral where you smell your own flowers.
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Old 07-29-2015, 02:21 PM   #128
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Know why the groom cried at his wedding?

I do.
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Old 07-29-2015, 02:30 PM   #129
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WARNING to the ladies... When you get married, you don't get a marriage license... you actually get adoption papers for an over grown kid!
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Old 08-08-2015, 09:39 PM   #130
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My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship.

She wants marriage, children and a house.

I just want out.
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I guess our first date went pretty much like most of them do.
After some drinks, she excused herself to go to the bathroom. That was in June.
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A failsafe way to tell if a girl is over 30:

Ask her how old she is.

If she doesn't tell you, she's over 30.

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My wife has kept all her old baby pictures.

She had to, it's hard throwing away a cave painting.

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