More relationship humor

[TitanMike]

Originally Posted by wmtire

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on what movie to watch and pizza to order

And then I picked the movie and pizza I wanted because I'm the one with the money.

An example of how the "Golden Rule" works. He with the Gold Rules.

[JWood422]

Attachment 279166

[NXR]

I had to have her open it today because I wasn't sure if the size was too small.

And no, JWood422, I did not see your post until I went to post this one.

Ray

[GravelRider]

Originally Posted by wmtire

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple "Calm down" in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

Originally Posted by Qwkynuf

If that doesn't work, you can try telling her that she's overreacting, and it's probably just her "time of the month".

That'll usually do the trick!

And if either of those don't work, simply let her know that she's being hysterical.

[JWood422]

Originally Posted by GravelRider

And if either of those don't work, simply let her know that she's being hysterical.

Sometimes just being alive is all it takes.

[Daxinarian]

Originally Posted by JWood422

Sometimes just being alive is all it takes.

Are you sure being alive is even necessary?

[JWood422]

Originally Posted by Daxinarian

Are you sure being alive is even necessary?

Maybe not.

[GravelRider]

So my wife and I were in an argument recently. I told her she was being too dramatic about family issues. She didn't talk to me for two days. No phone calls at work. Nothing. We finally made up, and she's talking to me again.








Sigh. It was really nice while it lasted.

[DougW]

My tip of the day:

Guys, make sure you get a soft close toilet seat, that way when you forget to put it back down she can’t get the satisfaction slamming it shut.

[wmtire]

Originally Posted by DougW

My tip of the day:

Guys, make sure you get a soft close toilet seat, that way when you forget to put it back down she can’t get the satisfaction slamming it shut.

Or better yet, just take the seat off...problem solved.

This is a true story, from my college youth days. Had a friend, and yes he was a friend but you might not think such as this tale progresses...who rented an apartment over someones detached garage.

Another friend and I decided to prank this guy one night while he was at work. The stairs to the apartment were internal and there was a door at the top of the staircase. We removed the hinge pins and had it where when he opened the door, the whole door was going to come off in his hands. We then unscrewed the legs on his couch and had it delicately balanced so when he sat down, it would collapse. We switched his box springs and mattress positions (which it took him a few weeks to figure that out). We put red koolaid powder in his shower head (but he said he caught that before spraying himself. We unscrewed the P-trap out from bathroom sink. And to add insult to injury, we just took his toilet seat off and put it downstairs in the garage (or we may have put it in the back of my truck). He told us later he never saw the seat and bought a new one...after all the other stuff. He said it broke the legs on the couch when he sat down, and he had the couch setting on books till he moved out.

So for all the bad things that happen to me in the Mondays thread, is most likely just karma.

[Iwannacamp]

Originally Posted by wmtire

Or better yet, just take the seat off...problem solved.

This is a true story, from my college youth days. Had a friend, and yes he was a friend but you might not think such as this tale progresses...who rented an apartment over someones detached garage.

Another friend and I decided to prank this guy one night while he was at work. The stairs to the apartment were internal and there was a door at the top of the staircase. We removed the hinge pins and had it where when he opened the door, the whole door was going to come off in his hands. We then unscrewed the legs on his couch and had it delicately balanced so when he sat down, it would collapse. We switched his box springs and mattress positions (which it took him a few weeks to figure that out). We put red koolaid powder in his shower head (but he said he caught that before spraying himself. We unscrewed the P-trap out from bathroom sink. And to add insult to injury, we just took his toilet seat off and put it downstairs in the garage (or we may have put it in the back of my truck). He told us later he never saw the seat and bought a new one...after all the other stuff. He said it broke the legs on the couch when he sat down, and he had the couch setting on books till he moved out.

So for all the bad things that happen to me in the Mondays thread, is most likely just karma.

Friends huh?

We did that to people we didn’t like.

[wmtire]

"Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you're with them they always have their phone in their hand, texting."

[SailorSam20500]

Men say women should
come with instructions....
What's the point of that?????
Have you ever
seen a man actually
READ instructions?

[JWood422]

Even if I found this here it’s time for a repeat.Attachment 279326

[httntheroad]

Wmtire have you had to increase the price of your tires? You know,due to tire inflation

[wmtire]

A week ago, my mother in law began reading "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, and threw it off a fishing pier into the ocean.
I went and bought another copy, ran it under the sink faucet and left it on the night table by her bed.

[GravelRider]

Originally Posted by DougW

My tip of the day:

Guys, make sure you get a soft close toilet seat, that way when you forget to put it back down she can’t get the satisfaction slamming it shut.

My wife doesn't leave the toilet seat up when she's done. I often ask her why it's so hard to remember to just put it up when she's done. After all these years, you'd think that she would remember. Nope. Forgets all the time.

[Daxinarian]

Originally Posted by wmtire

A week ago, my mother in law began reading "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, and threw it off a fishing pier into the ocean.
I went and bought another copy, ran it under the sink faucet and left it on the night table by her bed.

The rest of the story:
Later, I overheard my mother in-law, in tears, telling my wife about how the evil book had come back. I was smiling right up to the point that she asked if she could stay at our house for a while since she was too upset to return home. Seeing no other options, I confessed to the prank. Her wrath was impressive (which I expected) but what made my blood run cold is when she asked why I did it with two of the books…

[SailorSam20500]

[wmtire]

How did the Polygamist Hippie count his wives?
1 Mrs. Hippie, 2 Mrs. Hippie, 3 Mrs. Hippie......