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Old 09-09-2015, 02:49 PM   #231
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My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-09-2015, 02:54 PM   #232
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There's only one thing I love about my wife.

Her husband.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-09-2015, 02:55 PM   #233
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Wife: Why are you home so early?
Husband: My boss told me to go to h*ll
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-09-2015, 03:41 PM   #234
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
Wife: Why are you home so early?
Husband: My boss told me to go to h*ll
You must be back from your camping trip!
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Old 09-09-2015, 04:09 PM   #235
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THAT IS IT RIGHT THERE!

Glad to know my family isn't the only 1!

My terminally ill 89 year old mother just doesn't understand why everybody plays with their phones instead of talking to each other like they used to do. They make it a point to come and see her and spend time with her and after about 5 minutes, it's back to the head in the phone.

I don't understand either.

Sorry to hijack the thread.

I thought I'd feel better after my rant, but I don't.

They are talking to each other (texting) .
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Old 09-09-2015, 04:29 PM   #236
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A very inebriated man walks into a nightclub and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walks over to her, and places his hand on her knee. Instantly, she jumps up and slaps him silly.

"I'm sorry," the drunk stammers. "I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable creep," screams the woman.

"That's funny," he mutters back. "You sound like her, too."
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-09-2015, 04:38 PM   #237
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After my divorce, I realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-09-2015, 04:40 PM   #238
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In the middle of a really messy divorce, I decided suicide was the only option.

I just need to talk her into it now.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-09-2015, 04:42 PM   #239
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No divorce is ever really just one person's fault. Usually the blame is a straight 50:50 . . . between the ex-wife and the ex-mother-in-law.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-09-2015, 04:50 PM   #240
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I know every divorce is traumatic, but mine's been worse than most.

It nearly didn't go through.
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