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Old 09-09-2015, 05:14 PM   #241
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Old MacDonald had a farm...
but due to a bitter divorce battle...and a lack of prenuptial agreement, he no longer does.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-09-2015, 10:51 PM   #242
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After a major drinking binge at several bars last night, I awoke to find myself next to one of the ugliest women you could imagine.

That's when I realized I'd made it home safely.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-10-2015, 11:03 AM   #243
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A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.

As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."

He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
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Old 09-10-2015, 11:06 AM   #244
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Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother, in every way. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-10-2015, 11:11 AM   #245
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I fell in love with my wife at second sight. The first time I didnít know she had money.
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Old 09-10-2015, 12:58 PM   #246
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Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-10-2015, 01:15 PM   #247
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Quote:
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Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife.

Only one?
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Old 09-10-2015, 01:47 PM   #248
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Only one?
Yup, just so us guys can feel good about it, winning an argument for once, even tho the spouse makes you think you have...
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Old 09-11-2015, 01:00 AM   #249
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I want to be cremated, and my ashes thrown all over the house. That way, my wife has to clean up after me, one last time.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 09-11-2015, 11:09 AM   #250
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My wife told me to go out and get an 'L' shaped sofa.

She wasn't impressed when I came home with one in lowercase.
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