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11-02-2015, 09:39 AM
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#561
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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Marriage is like a casino.
You go in all excited and optimistic, you stumble out broke, drunk and talking to yourself.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 09:40 AM
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#562
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I'll never forget me and the wife's first date.
It was last night.
Screw you Las Vegas.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 09:42 AM
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#563
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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My granddad survived the great war, or as some call it...
...'marriage'.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 09:45 AM
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#564
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I asked my friend what was the secret of being married happily to his wife for the past thirty two years.
He told me that they never went to sleep angry.
I told him that was a great philosophy.
He told me that the longest he had been awake was for five days.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 09:46 AM
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#565
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I went into Home Depot and asked an assistant if he could recommend something to stop my kitchen drawers and cupboard doors being slammed shut.
He said, "A divorce."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 09:47 AM
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#566
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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" ....... and that was when my mother tripped on the pavement and fell over."
"Your mother? I heard it was your husband who'd hurt his back?"
"It was - he pulled a muscle laughing."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 09:49 AM
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#567
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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There was a problem with my credit card at the store today.
My wife had it.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 09:52 AM
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#568
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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When I got married, I disappointed a lot of women.
Now I can concentrate on disappointing just the one.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 09:53 AM
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#569
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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My wife said, "What's your New Years resolution?"
I said, "To drink, smoke and eat more."
She said, "I thought you were supposed to give something up."
I said, "I am. You."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 09:55 AM
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#570
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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Man to wife:''If I should die I want you to sell all my belongings because I'm sure you'll get married again and I wouldn't want some a-hole to have my stuff.''
Wife:''What makes you think I would marry an a-hole again.''
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 09:56 AM
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#571
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I got married on Memorial Day.
When people all over the country hold a moment of silence, I can pretend it's for me.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 09:57 AM
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#572
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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"Daddy, some weird girl was screaming at me and calling me every name in the book today at school!" said my 8 year old boy
"Well, what did you do to her?" I asked
"I don't know Daddy, I didn't do anything!"
"Welcome to my world" I said, glancing at his mom.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 10:02 AM
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#573
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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The key to a successful marriage, for men:
Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
Whenever you're right, shut up.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 10:11 AM
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#574
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I sung to my wife, "Have I told you lately that I love you?"
She giggled and said, "No"
I said, "Doesn't that tell you something?"
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 10:15 AM
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#575
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I'm so depressed.
My wife left me a month ago.
And now she's come back.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 10:20 AM
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#576
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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My wife said, "Look, you're coming home late every night now. You're cheating on me."
I said, "You're worrying about nothing."
She said, "Actually, I'm worrying about our marriage."
I said, "Exactly."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 10:25 AM
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#577
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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Me and my wife have been married for 20 years and have only had 1 fight.
It started 20 years ago.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 10:27 AM
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#578
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I bought my wife some new Scrabble tiles for Christmas. She threw them back at me, saying it was a crap present.
I can't understand it. I'm sure I heard her say we should renew our vowels.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 10:28 AM
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#579
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I took my girlfriend to see the Grand Canyon, standing there near the edge admiring its beauty I got a disturbing thought in my head.
I had to keep telling myself, ''Don't do it, you will regret it for the rest of your life!''
Finally I thought, ''Screw it, I'm doing it and I don't care of the consequences, I don't care if it confines me to a life of imprisonment!''
Her standing at the edge, I sneaked up behind her and grabbed her, ready to face my destiny, I quietly whispered, ''Will you marry me?''
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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11-02-2015, 10:30 AM
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#580
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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Wedding photographer's slogan: Take a picture of your marriage. It will last longer.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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