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Old 10-13-2015, 03:37 AM   #431
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When my wife went missing I took a picture of her around town. Within an hour everyone pulled together to form a search party.

Armed with pitchforks and flaming torches.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-13-2015, 03:39 AM   #432
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"I don't normally do this type of thing" I said on meeting my blind date.

"Me neither" she giggled.

"What? You're leaving too?"
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-13-2015, 03:47 AM   #433
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Research shows that good-looking people earn more than average-looking people, who in turn, earn more than ugly people.

I don't believe it! I get minimum wage.
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Old 10-13-2015, 10:41 AM   #434
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18 is too young to get married. You can't even buy booze. If you can't drink, how do you expect to make your marriage work?
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Old 10-13-2015, 10:49 AM   #435
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Harry is chatting to Tom. "I like your new suit," says Tom.

"Thanks," says Harry, "it was a surprise present from my wife.

I came home from work early last night and found it hanging over a chair in the bedroom."
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-13-2015, 11:00 AM   #436
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A little girl says, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister."

Trying to be funny, the daddy says, "Honey, you do have a sister."

"I do?" questions the confused youngster.

"Sure," responds the dad. "You just don't see her because when you are coming in at the front door, she is always leaving through the back door."

The little girl gave this a few moments thought and remarked,

"You mean like my other Daddy does?"
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-13-2015, 11:01 AM   #437
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My wife told me if she ever caught me cheating on her she would kill herself.

As if the temptation wasn't strong enough, then she had to dangle that carrot under my nose.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-13-2015, 11:02 AM   #438
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I mumbled a few words years ago and found myself married.

Last night I mumbled a few words in my sleep and now she's divorcing me.
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Old 10-13-2015, 11:04 AM   #439
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I've never understood women who say men are the scum of the earth, untrustworthy etc.

Who do they think we cheat on them with?
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Old 10-13-2015, 11:54 AM   #440
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I've noticed that since we got married, my wife has been drinking more and more, and I'm struggling to cope with it.


I'm actually thinking of calling off the reception.
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