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02-03-2016, 09:11 PM
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#981
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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My girlfriend asked me to see things from a woman's point of view...so I looked out the kitchen window.
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2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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02-03-2016, 09:23 PM
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#982
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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A wife is like a hand grenade.
Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
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2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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02-04-2016, 02:42 PM
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#983
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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I think my wife is going insane.
She said "Honey, can you unload the dish washer please?"
Next thing you know, she'll be asking the jelly to take out the trash.
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 2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-04-2016, 07:59 PM
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#984
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees.
But then I saw her face.
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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02-04-2016, 08:03 PM
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#985
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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When my girlfriend suggested we try playing doctors and nurses I was really hoping for something sexier than being left in a corridor for 2 days.
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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02-04-2016, 08:06 PM
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#986
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Southern, IL
Posts: 3,272
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Platokidd
When my girlfriend suggested we try playing doctors and nurses I was really hoping for something sexier than being left in a corridor for 2 days.
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Good one... 
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Bob & Michelle
2016 Ford F-250 Lariat 4x4
2017 Flagstaff Super Lite 526RLWS
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02-04-2016, 08:08 PM
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#987
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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My girlfriend said she needs time and distance ...
is she calculating velocity?
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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02-04-2016, 08:20 PM
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#988
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000 a year!"
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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02-05-2016, 07:09 AM
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#989
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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A new species of tarantula has been named after country singer Johnny Cash.
I'm now campaigning for a new species of large, leathery-skinned reptile to be named after my ex-wife.
14 New Tarantula Species Include One Named for Johnny Cash
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-05-2016, 02:43 PM
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#990
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Kenosha Wisconsin
Posts: 582
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One more:;
Man walks into a pharmacy and buys a large box of condoms, Pharmacist says you want a bag with that? Man says no thanks she's kinda cute..
__________________
2013 Ram 2500 "Cummins"
2014 Columbus 340RK
Month of July in the Egg Harbor Campground, Door County, WI
5 stars
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02-05-2016, 04:30 PM
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#991
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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After a minor traffic accident with Justin Bieber, he offered me a VIP package for a concert of his.
"That's great. " I said, "we'll say no more about it if you send the tickets to my wife and mother-in-law. "
"Wow, that's great of you, big fans are they? "
"No, " I replied, " they absolutely hate you. "
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-06-2016, 10:06 AM
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#992
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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"Dang, Darren" my boss said to me today. "Look at your suit. Did you win the lottery?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, judging by your new threads I'd say you got three numbers".
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2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-07-2016, 08:31 AM
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#993
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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My snooty new girlfriend dumped me after one date just because the table I'd reserved was too close to the restrooms.
She wouldn't even stay to finish her Big Mac.
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2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-07-2016, 08:33 AM
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#994
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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I was drinking at a bar last night when a waitress screamed... "Does anyone know CPR?"
I shouted "Heck, I know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed... Well everyone except this one guy.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-07-2016, 04:14 PM
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#995
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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I had a conversation with my missus earlier, well, I say "conversation."
I went to the bathroom for about 20 minutes halfway through, and when I came back, she was still talking.
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2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-07-2016, 05:18 PM
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#996
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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As my wife was leaving me I shouted, "Don't go baby, I know we can work it out?"
She shouted back, "Stop being so melodramatic, You know I'm only going to the store. We'll look at our son's maths homework when I get back."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-07-2016, 08:04 PM
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#997
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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After insulting my mother-in-law, I looked at my wife and said, "I can't tell you how sorry I am."
"Oh really?" she wept.
"Yes," I replied, "If I did then I'd be lying."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-15-2016, 03:23 PM
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#998
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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People always ask me why I’m single. I’m single by choice… unfortunately it’s not my choice.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-15-2016, 03:24 PM
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#999
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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Just had a strange conversation with my wife about getting a home-improvement loan.
She offered me $5,000 to move out.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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02-15-2016, 03:27 PM
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#1000
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,951
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Husband: “Honey I think your mom tried to put the moves on me last night! ”
Wife: “That’s impossible, she’s out of town on vacation!”
Husband: “Oh ok, well maybe you should wear more makeup then!”
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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