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Old 10-28-2015, 05:13 PM   #531
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I was talking to my feminist friend today and she was telling me that I just don't understand the concept of feminism.

"Really? How so" I replied

"For every dollar a man makes a woman gets 70 cents" she told me.

"Wow that certainly IS messed up, I earned it and some woman takes 70 cents of every dollar, why does she get a cut?"
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Old 10-28-2015, 05:16 PM   #532
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You know your wife is mad when she starts off her sentence saying "I just find it funny how......"

Because there's a 99.9% chance she did not find it funny
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Old 10-28-2015, 05:22 PM   #533
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Watching beautiful women when out with your wife is easy.

The trick is to talk bad about them and then the missus will let you stare all you want.
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Old 10-28-2015, 05:27 PM   #534
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Don't make the same mistake as I did.

I met two sisters at a party and asked them where Cinderella was.
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Old 10-28-2015, 05:33 PM   #535
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This fellow showed up at work one morning sleepless and haggard.

"What happened to you?" a co-worker asked.

"I was up nearly all night," the man said. "My wife and I had a terrible argument. She became historical."

"You mean hysterical," the co-worker replied.

"No, historical," the man said. "She went over absolutely everything I've done wrong over the last twenty-five years."
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Old 10-29-2015, 11:40 AM   #536
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My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes.

I asked her, "What can I do to stop my addiction?"

She said, "Whatever means necessary."

"No it doesn't," I said.
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Old 10-29-2015, 11:44 AM   #537
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My girlfriend says she wants a guy who is 'funny and spontaneous', yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown, it's all panic and screaming.
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Old 10-29-2015, 11:45 AM   #538
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I was at my Mom's when she said, "Russell, you're 29 years old now. When are you going to find a decent girl, one with morals - not the usual tarts you seem to attract - and settle down."

It was at this point my girlfriend left the room in tears.
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Old 10-29-2015, 12:41 PM   #539
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I just sat my girlfriend down on the sofa and said, "There's something I need to do."

"What is it?" she asked, "You're scaring me."

I said, "I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore."

She immediately jumped up, punched me in the face and ran out of the house screaming, "Never talk to me again, you dog!!"

Just great!
$1500 this engagement ring cost me.
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Old 10-30-2015, 02:56 PM   #540
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Definition of Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before he works for a new boss!
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