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Old 10-31-2015, 09:17 AM   #551
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I recently made two grand profit on a car I sold.

My wife says, "Why don't we spend it all on one luxurious night?"

I said, "Honey, I work in finance, I warn my clients about this sort of thing all the time."

She said, "What? Enjoying their money?"

I replied, "No, listening to their wives!"
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Old 10-31-2015, 09:43 AM   #552
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I've decided to financially support my teenage daughter for the rest of her life.

It's cheaper than sending her to college.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-31-2015, 09:46 AM   #553
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I said to my wife, "By the end of the week, we'll finally be in the black."

"Why, have we got enough money to pay off the bank overdraft?" she asked.

"No," I said, "we don't have enough money to pay the electric bill."
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Old 10-31-2015, 11:17 AM   #554
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My wife went ballistic at me for blowing $20,000 at the casino last night. It's not like it's her money!

...Anymore.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-31-2015, 11:57 AM   #555
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Why do most husbands die before their wives? Because they WANT TO!
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Old 10-31-2015, 12:28 PM   #556
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I wouldn't say I'm smug, but every year on my birthday I call my mother to congratulate her.
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Old 10-31-2015, 12:30 PM   #557
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Apparently, baby powder + water does not equal baby.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 10-31-2015, 01:08 PM   #558
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If cod liver oil is made from cod, what's baby oil made from????
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2016 Mini Lite 2503S - tt (2015 - ???)
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Old 11-02-2015, 09:37 AM   #559
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My wife said, "Are you even bloody listening to me?"

I said, "Of course, dear".

She said, "What did I just say then?"

I said, "You asked if I was listening".
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Old 11-02-2015, 09:38 AM   #560
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Ever watch a movie & halfway through you realize it sucks but you stay with it since you've already put time into it?

Welcome to marriage.
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