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05-09-2016, 10:19 AM
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#1121
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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My girlfriend says she doesn't trust me.
I guess that's just one more thing she has in common with my wife.
__________________
 2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 10:21 AM
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#1122
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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I told this woman that words can't describe how beautiful you are...
But numbers can.
2/10.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 10:24 AM
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#1123
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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A cop pulls over a car in the middle of the night:
— Sir, do you realize how badly your car was swerving between lanes?
— I've had 8 drinks, officer.
— Sir, That's no excuse to let your wife drive...
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 10:32 AM
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#1124
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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The wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whisky and two loaves of bread.
"Are we expecting guests?" I asked.
"No," she replied.
"Then why did you buy so much bread?"
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 10:34 AM
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#1125
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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A man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on poor eyesight?"
"No, we don't," replies the bartender.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 12:27 PM
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#1126
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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My new girlfriend just found out that I'm 42.
She said, "You told me that you were 28 and a half!"
I said, "I am if you think about it."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 12:38 PM
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#1127
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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My wife just dumped me because I'm "The king of stupid comparisons."
I feel like a bacon sandwich on chemotherapy.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 12:38 PM
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#1128
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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My best friend came up to me yesterday and said, "This is a photo of me when I was younger."
I replied, "Every photo is of when you were younger."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 01:49 PM
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#1129
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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The gold edition of the Apple Watch is priced at $10,000.
If I wanted to spend $10,000 on something that'll be obsolete in 3 years, I'd buy an engagement ring.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 02:04 PM
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#1130
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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I'm going to start telling women that I'm available for a limited time only and hope that their shopping instinct kicks in.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 02:40 PM
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#1131
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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A human fart can be louder than a trombone.
I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 02:45 PM
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#1132
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 02:48 PM
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#1133
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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We used to have 4 different remote controls in our house.
Then we got a Universal Remote.
Now we have 5 different remote controls.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 02:51 PM
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#1134
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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I love Halloween.
The cobwebs in my house look like decorations.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-09-2016, 04:00 PM
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#1135
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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My new girlfriend says she hates lies, but judging from her reaction to my answer about the size of her rear end in her new jeans, the truth doesn't sit too well with her either.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-10-2016, 10:30 AM
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#1136
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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If you don't believe in human perseverance you clearly haven't seen a smoker trying to use a broken lighter.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-10-2016, 10:32 AM
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#1137
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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I've opened a restaurant called "Peace and Quiet".
Kid's meals are $250.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-10-2016, 10:44 AM
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#1138
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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This political correctness has gone mad. I can't even refer to my child as "my disabled son."
Apparently the correct term these days is "daughter."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-10-2016, 10:44 AM
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#1139
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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Eating at McDonald's has plenty of health benefits.
For instance, it would prevent you from dying of old age.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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05-19-2016, 09:39 AM
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#1140
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,952
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When a Female says "What"... its not that she didn't hear you, shes giving you a chance to change what you just said.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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