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07-24-2016, 07:56 PM
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#1161
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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The gift
Jeremy asks his wife Naomi what she wants for their 40th wedding anniversary.
"Would you like a new diamond bracelet?" he asks.
"Not really," says Naomi.
"Well how about a Lexus sports car?" says Jeremy.
"No," she replies.
"What about a holiday home in the south of France?" he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks."
"Well what would you like for your anniversary?" Jeremy asks.
"I'd like a divorce, Jeremy," answers Naomi.
"Oh, I wasn't planning to spend that much!" says Jeremy.
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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07-24-2016, 08:09 PM
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#1162
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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07-26-2016, 09:22 AM
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#1163
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client. "Mrs. Jones, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you."
"Fair to both?!" exploded Mrs. Jones, "I could have done that myself. What do you think I hired a lawyer for?"
__________________
 2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-28-2016, 03:26 PM
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#1164
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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My Mother-in-law said to me, "I'll dance on your grave."
I said, "I hope you do. I'm being buried at sea."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-29-2016, 09:11 AM
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#1165
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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People say "if you have a poor father, that's your fate. But if you have a poor father-in-law, you are just stupid"
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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07-29-2016, 09:39 AM
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#1166
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Phat Phrog Stunt Team
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Tipp City, OH
Posts: 7,154
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Alimony: The price you pay to never having to live with that B!*ch again. 
__________________
2016 Georgetown 364TS
2017 Jeep Rubicon Recon toad
Nights Camped 2019 - 17
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08-19-2016, 10:12 AM
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#1167
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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The last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket...
Hey, son. Check out how far I can kick this bucket.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-19-2016, 03:53 PM
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#1168
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me in the middle of the night and said "Wake Up". There's somebody downstairs". So I got out of bed and quietly checked every room.
Suddenly I realized that I don't have a wife.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-19-2016, 05:55 PM
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#1169
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Oswego, NY
Posts: 293
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Seems like every man wants to marry a nymphomaniac. Problem is the nympho leaves pretty quickly, but the maniac stays forever!
__________________
2015 Rockwood Ultra Lite 2604 WS. Rear LR, large street side slide with small wardrobe slide in BR.
2014 Ram 1500 Eco Diesel Laramie Quad Cab.
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08-19-2016, 05:59 PM
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#1170
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Southern, IL
Posts: 3,272
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wbdavey
Seems like every man wants to marry a nymphomaniac. Problem is the nympho leaves pretty quickly, but the maniac stays forever!
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You should have your name changed to "The Oracle". 
__________________
Bob & Michelle
2016 Ford F-250 Lariat 4x4
2017 Flagstaff Super Lite 526RLWS
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08-19-2016, 08:48 PM
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#1171
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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Sent from my Z958 using Tapatalk
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-22-2016, 11:18 AM
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#1172
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants...
Guess, I won't be needing those anymore.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-23-2016, 09:18 PM
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#1173
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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Husband: Dear do you know that exams are like women?
Wife: How funny?
Husband: Yes, they are tough to understand, complicated, lots of questions and the result is always doubtful..
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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08-23-2016, 09:28 PM
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#1174
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. This goes on for a half an hour and the bartender gets worried. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days." After thinking it over in a reassurring tone, the bartender asked. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?". "Yeah, except today is the last night."
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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08-26-2016, 03:49 AM
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#1175
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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When my wife left, I was sad and lonely.
So I got a dog, a new motorbike, a couple of girlfriends, and blew a grand on alcohol.
She's going to go nuts when she gets back from work.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-26-2016, 03:19 PM
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#1176
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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I was visiting the doctor about my stuttering problem.
"How's the stutter?", asks the doctor.
"It's g-getting better. My friend calls me D-Donkey," I replied.
"Any idea why?" The doctor asks.
"No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me that."
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-29-2016, 11:20 AM
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#1177
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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It was lucky that I went to see a fortune teller today.
She warned me that somebody was going to swindle me.
I was more than happy to pay for that kind of information.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-29-2016, 11:23 AM
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#1178
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communication issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we're not as connected as she'd like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and was tired after a long day of work.
So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-29-2016, 11:26 AM
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#1179
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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The waiter asked my wife and me, "Would you like to hear today's special?"
"Yes please," I smiled.
"Today is special," he replied, then walked off.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-29-2016, 11:50 AM
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#1180
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,934
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Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute?
Just ask your girlfriend if she's gained weight.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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