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Old 11-10-2015, 09:33 AM   #631
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My ex-wife and I have only one thing in common.

We both want my money.
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:34 AM   #632
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Last night, my wife told me I don't take criticism very well.

Ex-wife now.
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:35 AM   #633
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I can't wait to see my wife's face when she comes home to her surprise going away party.
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:41 AM   #634
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When I was a kid, my parents got divorced and held a custody hearing over me.

Nobody showed up.
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:43 AM   #635
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You know your marriage is in trouble when the marriage counselor bursts out crying and begs you to get divorced.
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:46 AM   #636
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I had a fairy tale marriage.

My wife was an ogre with ugly sisters, but now I'm in a land far, far away.
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:47 AM   #637
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Even though we're not together any longer, My ex wife loves my company.

She took it off me when we divorced.
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:49 AM   #638
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My wife says to me, "All good things must come to an end."

I replied, "When did it start?"
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:50 AM   #639
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My ex wife told me the last thing she wanted to do was hurt me.


Obviously it was still on her list.
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Old 11-10-2015, 10:05 AM   #640
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My wife said she's leaving me because of my excessive drinking.

Ironically, that's what made me propose to her in the first place.
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