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Old 11-11-2015, 12:57 PM   #651
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A pretty young woman went into a department store for some dress material and was served by a cocky young man.

When she asked how much it was, he replied "a kiss per yard," Winking at her slyly.

Ok she replied "I'll have 5 yards."

The man cut and wrapped the material,handed it to her and said "That'll be 5 kisses please."

The young woman pointed to a wrinkly old man standing next to her, "Grandad's paying," she said,walking away....
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Old 11-11-2015, 01:00 PM   #652
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My girlfriend got offended when I asked her how old she was. She told me, "It's not important, I don't want to talk about it."

Funny how that changed when I started forgetting her birthdays...
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Old 11-11-2015, 01:04 PM   #653
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Anti wrinkle cream doesn't work.
If it did, women wouldn't have any fingerprints.
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Old 11-11-2015, 05:27 PM   #654
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Do not tell your little girl, "He's only being mean because he likes you" and then wonder why she only dates jerks when she gets older.
This one isn't humor - It's TRUE (unfortunately).
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Old 11-11-2015, 05:43 PM   #655
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The wife says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true,.... I would have found the 'mute' by now !
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Old 11-11-2015, 05:57 PM   #656
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Women always worry about things that men forget.
Men always worry about things that women remember.
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:07 PM   #657
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If you tell a woman she's beautiful 1 million times, she'll never believe you.

But, if you tell her she's ugly, she'll never forget it.
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:14 PM   #658
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When a woman says, "We need to talk."

It really means, "You need to listen."
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Old 11-11-2015, 07:30 PM   #659
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If you tell a woman she's beautiful 1 million times, she'll never believe you.

But, if you tell her she's ugly, she'll never forget it.

Just about the truest I have heard.


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Old 11-12-2015, 01:01 AM   #660
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My wife keeps telling me to act my age. I don't know how. I've never been this old before.
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