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Old 11-12-2015, 01:07 AM   #661
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My girlfriend said, "If one day, you want to run away, just let me know."

Turns out she meant together.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 11-12-2015, 01:09 AM   #662
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My daughter brought her new boyfriend home tonight.
He was quiet but polite.
Not once did he ask me why I was holding an axe.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 11-12-2015, 01:13 AM   #663
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I'm quite successful at making relationships work.


I've made a lot of women go back to their ex-boyfriends.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 11-15-2015, 10:29 AM   #664
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I bumped into an ex of mine, who never gave me a reason for ending our previous relationship.

"Long time no see," I said, "So, tell me, why exactly did you dump me?"

"Because you were constantly making bad jokes," she replied.

"I guess you have a point," I shyly admitted.

"So, what's new?" she asked.

I said, "It's an adjective."
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Old 11-15-2015, 10:51 AM   #665
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We over heard our neighbors arguing last night... "A real man respects a woman," she cried. "Oh yeah," he shouted, "well a real woman makes a respectable sandwich." I just looked at my wife and nodded, which is what started our argument.
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Old 11-15-2015, 10:59 AM   #666
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I tried feeding my baby daughter using the 'here comes the airplane' technique.

But she fell asleep when I was going through the safety procedures.
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Old 11-15-2015, 11:01 AM   #667
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My wife walked in on me wearing her clothes... Neither of us were that surprised really.

Why wouldn't she be wearing her clothes.
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Old 11-15-2015, 11:02 AM   #668
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My wife and I were arguing last night.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't walk out that door!" she said, pointing.

"That's the closet," I replied.
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Old 11-17-2015, 12:55 AM   #669
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My wife will argue with me for 30 minutes and then says...


"I am not even going to argue with you!"


Husband =
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Old 11-17-2015, 08:18 PM   #670
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Night Stone View Post
The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “MIDNIGHT”… he didn’t seem upset in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh crap” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted
Had to ROFL on this one!:rof lblack:
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