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Old 11-17-2015, 08:23 PM   #671
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My wife keeps telling me to act my age. I don't know how. I've never been this old before.
And you never grew up either LOL.
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Old 11-17-2015, 08:25 PM   #672
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I bumped into an ex of mine, who never gave me a reason for ending our previous relationship.

"Long time no see," I said, "So, tell me, why exactly did you dump me?"

"Because you were constantly making bad jokes," she replied.

"I guess you have a point," I shyly admitted.

"So, what's new?" she asked.

I said, "It's an adjective."
And he keeps the bad ones coming.
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Old 11-18-2015, 08:59 AM   #673
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My wife and I moved to a new house.

It's the only place I've lived where I can tolerate the neighbors.

It's next to a cemetery.
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:05 AM   #674
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I'd been with my girlfriend for around 3 years, when I finally popped the question.

Why are we still together?
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:05 AM   #675
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My wife and I are suffering from empty-nest syndrome.

We both got evicted earlier this morning
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:06 AM   #676
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My wife felt me because I'm dyslexic.
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:06 AM   #677
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Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children.

Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:09 AM   #678
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My wife said we needed to communicate more. I knew she was right...

...so I gave her my email address.
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:29 AM   #679
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I can't wait for tonight.

A bunch of my family is coming over to play on their phones.
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:31 AM   #680
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A middle-aged man starts shouting at the passengers on a bus:

"This is a disgrace! These days nobody is willing to get up and give an elderly person a seat!

"But you've already got a seat," says one of the passengers.

"Yes, I have, but my poor old mother back there has to stand."
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