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Old 11-18-2015, 04:30 PM   #691
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My wife's bark is worse than her bite.

But it's pretty scary that she barks at all.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 11-18-2015, 04:30 PM   #692
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I really regret constantly telling my family "Health is better than wealth".

My millionaire uncle died and left me his treadmill in his will.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 11-18-2015, 05:11 PM   #693
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After careful consideration, I bought my wife absolutely nothing for her birthday.

It's the thought that counts.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 11-18-2015, 05:14 PM   #694
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Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

That's my number one rule when it comes to asking out women during weddings.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 11-18-2015, 05:28 PM   #695
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Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Unless my wife's had something to do with it...

Then it's always served burnt.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 11-18-2015, 05:39 PM   #696
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If you love someone, let them go.

If they come back, nobody wanted them.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 11-18-2015, 05:42 PM   #697
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'Some things are better left unsaid.'

Take "I do", at your wedding for example.
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Old 11-18-2015, 05:45 PM   #698
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My wife told me not to worry so much and to take everything with a grain of salt. I took her advice.

Now in addition to everything else, I have to worry about high blood pressure.
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Old 11-18-2015, 07:46 PM   #699
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If men say, "There are plenty more fish in the sea", do women say, "There are plenty more fisherman"?
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Old 11-18-2015, 09:45 PM   #700
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
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