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Old 12-01-2015, 05:49 AM   #771
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Every time you talk to your wife, you should remember that 'This conversation will be recorded for quality and training purposes.'
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:05 AM   #772
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I'm very happy with our divorce settlement.
We sold the kids and I got custody of the car.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:19 AM   #773
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If it is true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why mothers cry at weddings.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:22 AM   #774
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I couldn't believe it when my wife said I doubt everything she says.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 12-01-2015, 06:38 AM   #775
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They say laughter is the best medicine, so when I ask girls out they must think I am sick.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 12-01-2015, 01:45 PM   #776
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If you want to know who loves you more your wife or your dog,
lock them both in your trunk for 2 hours and when you let them out who is happiest to see you.
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Old 12-02-2015, 07:40 AM   #777
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"I always feel so self-conscious when I'm out in public," my girlfriend told me.

"Don't worry, you aren't that ugly," I sniggered.

She said, "No, but you are."
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 12-02-2015, 07:43 AM   #778
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I've wanted to run away from home more since I became a parent than when I was a child.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 12-02-2015, 05:28 PM   #779
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I was playing scrabble with my wife when she spelt the word "stneve".

It was an unexpected turn of events.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 12-02-2015, 05:34 PM   #780
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I got the wife a nice wool hat and a coat for Christmas.

She's gonna need it because I've lost our house to gambling.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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