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07-31-2017, 02:41 PM
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#1541
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King of the Road
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 556
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When a woman says something like “Do what you want” – seriously dude, don’t do what you want. Stand still as a statue. No blinking. Play dead.
__________________
2016 Crusader Lite
Single slide
2013 Ram 2500 Crew Cab Tow Vehicle
2016 days camped = 91, 2017 days camped = 109
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07-31-2017, 02:45 PM
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#1542
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King of the Road
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 556
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Men who ignore their wives’ raised eyebrows are losing valuable time in which to escape.
__________________
2016 Crusader Lite
Single slide
2013 Ram 2500 Crew Cab Tow Vehicle
2016 days camped = 91, 2017 days camped = 109
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07-31-2017, 03:20 PM
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#1543
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 446
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"Behind every great man there's a woman rolling her eyes..."
__________________
2016 Microlite 21DS
2014 Ram 1500 QC 6 cyl. 8 spd.
Blue Ox SwayPro
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07-31-2017, 03:58 PM
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#1544
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King of the Road
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 556
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In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.
__________________
2016 Crusader Lite
Single slide
2013 Ram 2500 Crew Cab Tow Vehicle
2016 days camped = 91, 2017 days camped = 109
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07-31-2017, 04:30 PM
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#1545
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 169
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Advice for wives : if a man says he will do something he will do it. You don't have to remind him every 6 months.
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07-31-2017, 05:16 PM
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#1546
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King of the Road
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 556
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I’ve just had a really big row with my wife about going on vacation. I wanted to go to Paris; she wanted to come with me.
__________________
2016 Crusader Lite
Single slide
2013 Ram 2500 Crew Cab Tow Vehicle
2016 days camped = 91, 2017 days camped = 109
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07-31-2017, 05:18 PM
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#1547
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King of the Road
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 556
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Life hack: Hold your wife’s hand in the shopping mall. If you don’t, she might start shopping. For her it is romantic; for you it is economical.
__________________
2016 Crusader Lite
Single slide
2013 Ram 2500 Crew Cab Tow Vehicle
2016 days camped = 91, 2017 days camped = 109
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07-31-2017, 05:20 PM
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#1548
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King of the Road
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 556
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Man: Darling, I just ordered our groceries online.
Wife: Really?! You’ve just sent me a Whatsapp saying I should do the shopping.
Man: Well, that’s what I said.
__________________
2016 Crusader Lite
Single slide
2013 Ram 2500 Crew Cab Tow Vehicle
2016 days camped = 91, 2017 days camped = 109
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07-31-2017, 06:25 PM
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#1549
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King of the Road
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 556
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The most successful wives don’t just randomly select their husbands. They pick them.
Clean to the bone.
__________________
2016 Crusader Lite
Single slide
2013 Ram 2500 Crew Cab Tow Vehicle
2016 days camped = 91, 2017 days camped = 109
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07-31-2017, 07:35 PM
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#1550
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 645
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dano1955
Men who ignore their wives’ raised eyebrows are losing valuable time in which to escape.
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That one should be in a fortune cookie.
__________________
-- My wife complains I never listen to her. Or something like that.
2017 Heritage Glen 368RLHBK Limited
2017 Ram 3500 4x4 Crew, 6.7 Cummins
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08-01-2017, 08:45 AM
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#1551
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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We have been married 12 years, my wife has given birth 3 times, but still fits in her wedding dress.
I don't even fit in the pants I was given as a birthday gift in April.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-01-2017, 08:59 AM
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#1552
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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'You think so much of golf that you don't even remember when we were married.'
'Of course I do, my dear, it was the day I sank that forty-foot putt.'
Nigel and Stephen, are keen fishermen and wine drinkers; here you can see a photo taken while they are enjoying some night fishing while on holiday, with their wives, in Poitou-Charente, France, last year.
Slurping a large Bordeaux Supérieur, Nigel announces, 'I think I'm going to divorce my wife, she hasn't spoken to me in eighteen months.'
Stephen downs his glass of the red wine thoughtfully and after a while responds, 'Think it over a bit more, Nige; women like that are hard to find.'
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.
'Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship, 'the wife explained.' He was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening.'
Russ, a deeply suspicious husband, hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's affairs.
A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, Russ saw his wife meeting another man. He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. Russ viewed them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He then watched them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. Russ saw them having fun and continually laughing together.
'I just can't believe this,' spluttered the distraught Russ.
'What's not to believe?' the detective responded. 'It's right up there on the screen.'
'I simply can't believe my wife could be so much fun.' Russ replies grimly.
Ten Short Relationship Jokes
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
Love is grand... Divorce is 75 grand.
Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. - Swedish Proverb
Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. - Leo Buscaglia
Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings. - Miles Franklin
Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 'Pooh!' he whispered. 'Yes, Piglet?' 'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. 'I just wanted to be sure of you.' - A.A. Milne
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. - Wayne W. Dyer
Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. - Anonymous
Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak. - Epictetus
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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08-01-2017, 09:07 AM
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#1553
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the dinner celebrating it, Byron was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
'Tell us Byron, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?'
Byron responds, 'Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single.'
The other night, my wife and I were going out. She sat there and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick, then turned to me and enquired, 'Does this look natural?'
There were no two ways about it. Rosie was fat. Very fat. “Martha”, said Rosie to her best friend, “it was terrible what happened yesterday after the birthday party. You know how half of the birthday cake was left over? Well, I knew Bob would be fuming at me for eating it,with my diet and all, but I couldn’t help myself, it started with just a small nibble and before I knew it the whole cake was gone!.” “Oh my!” clucked Martha, “was Bob really upset?” “He never found it”, responded Rosie with a full double chin smile, “I just baked another cake and ate half of it!”
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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08-01-2017, 09:26 AM
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#1554
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend..
I've never heard women talking about them behind their backs.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-01-2017, 09:36 AM
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#1555
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 169
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While raising our young children my wife and I learned the lesson of not planting seeds in the minds of our children. IE while driving to grandma's house we learned the hard way to not mention certain words like "ice-cream" because the moment we did they immediately wanted "ice-cream".
So we learned to spell the words... One day my wife and I were talking and spelling words on our way to grandma's house.
My wife spelled out the word for needing to use the bathroom. She said, "I need to "p". . . I had to pull over because suddenly 4 children and my wife needed to Pee even though we had just stopped 30 minutes earlier.
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08-01-2017, 09:59 AM
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#1556
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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I have just won an argument with my wife.
We were arguing about how stupid I am.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-01-2017, 01:05 PM
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#1557
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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Tip for all young men thinking of getting married:
1. You're always wrong.
2. You're always sorry.
3. She never wants "just one" of your fries.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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08-01-2017, 01:30 PM
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#1558
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 169
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Another tip for the young man contemplating marriage. Before you argue with your new bride, and you will, ask yourself two questions. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? - Jeff Alan
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08-01-2017, 02:03 PM
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#1559
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 321
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Why do we men die before our wives?
Because we want to.
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08-01-2017, 04:31 PM
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#1560
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King of the Road
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 556
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If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive
__________________
2016 Crusader Lite
Single slide
2013 Ram 2500 Crew Cab Tow Vehicle
2016 days camped = 91, 2017 days camped = 109
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