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09-06-2017, 03:33 PM
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#1641
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Q: Whats the difference between love and marriage?
A: Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener!
Q: What is the ideal marriage?
A: A marriage between a deaf man and a blind woman
Q: Whats the definition of a happy marriage?
A: One where the husband gives and the wife takes.
Q: When another man steals your wife, what's your best revenge?
A: Let the him keep her!
Q: Why is marriage is like a violin?
A: After all the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached.
Q: How is a marriage like a hot bath?
A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot
Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q: What kind of sport is Marriage?
A: One where the trapped animal has to buy the license!
Q: Why do brides cry at weddings?
A: Because they never marry the best man!
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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09-07-2017, 08:33 AM
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#1642
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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My wife just called me to say she's on her way home from a 12-hour shift at work and asked me to run her some hot water with plenty of bubbles.
I love her so much, I did what she asked and when she gets home, after she's finished, I will even dry the dishes for her.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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09-07-2017, 09:06 AM
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#1643
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 169
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire
My wife just called me to say she's on her way home from a 12-hour shift at work and asked me to run her some hot water with plenty of bubbles.
I love her so much, I did what she asked and when she gets home, after she's finished, I will even dry the dishes for her.
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You da man! .... Making the rest of us look bad.
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09-07-2017, 12:49 PM
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#1644
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Let's talk about rights and lefts. You're right so I left.
My wife tells me I'm a skeptic - but I don't believe a word she says.
A husband and wife argued over the weather, but it soon blew over.
His wife asked him to remove a picture from over the fireplace. It was an off-the-wall remark.
After injuring my upper arm and wearing an ice pack, my wife accused me of giving her the cold shoulder.
I pricked my finger badly while trying to find a needle in my wife's sewing box. It was a crewel turn of events.
Marriage is hard but divorce usually goes off without a hitch.
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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09-08-2017, 08:08 AM
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#1645
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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The first sign of old age is when your wife starts trusting you.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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09-22-2017, 04:04 PM
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#1646
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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Last night I couldn't find the thing to peel the potatoes, so I asked my kids where it is.
Apparently she left me last week.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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09-29-2017, 09:39 AM
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#1647
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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When a woman says "correct me if I am wrong"
Do not under any, and I mean any circumstances..do it.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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09-29-2017, 11:06 AM
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#1648
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 822
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More relationship humor
Wmtire. Thanks for sharing your time and talent with us. Hilarious!
__________________
Happy Campin!
Forester 2451s
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09-29-2017, 11:42 AM
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#1649
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,916
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Advice to Male youngsters, If you want to change the country do it now, because, once you get married, you can't even change the TV channel
Husband: Do you know what Hypnosis means?
Wife: It is nothing but controlling someone's mind and making them behave the way you want to....
Husband: Liar, that is called 'Marriage'
Someone asked an old man: "Even aftr 70yrs, u still cal ur wife Darling, Honey, Luv. Whats the secret?
Old man:I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I'm scard 2 ask her
Once Mom asked: Whom do you Love more? Me or your Wife?
Husband replied: I don't know.. but your Love makes me forget my Wife & Her Love & care reminds me of You!
Husband sent a text to his wife at night,"Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."
He sent another text,"And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"
She texted back, "OMG really?"
Husband replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".
Wife: Honey before we got married you used to give me gifts and expensive jewelry.
Husband : Yes.... And?
Wife: how come you don't nowadays?
Husband: have you ever seen a fisherman give worms to a fish after catching it?
__________________
2017 Puma 297RLSS
2005 Ram 2500 4X4 diesel SMOKER!!
I love puns, irony and tasteless jokes...
born in Texas.... live in Arkansas
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09-29-2017, 12:23 PM
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#1650
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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At one point in my life I aspired to be like Hugh Hefner. Now my hero is the guy who designs TV remotes.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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10-11-2017, 08:16 AM
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#1651
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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The other day my girlfriend put me in a tough situation; she said, "Do I look fat in this?"
Just before I told her how great she looked, my mouth started moving for me and I said: "To be fair, it's a small room."
Now that her stuff's gone, the room is actually quite large.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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10-11-2017, 11:10 PM
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#1652
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Site Team
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: top side land of Lincoln
Posts: 7,509
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I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me. I didn’t think she’d actually demand to see the bat cave.
__________________
2014 LaCrosse 323RST-TE-C
2009 Chevy 2500HD Z71
Seasonal
Zelda the campin dog
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10-12-2017, 06:31 PM
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#1653
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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My wife said if I took one more picture of her she'd leave me.
That's when I snapped.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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10-12-2017, 06:42 PM
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#1654
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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There's no pleasing my wife at times. She told me to take our kids to the circus, so I did.
She didn't say anything at all about bringing them back home.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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10-13-2017, 02:35 PM
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#1655
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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Sometimes, even after all these years, I wake up and look over at my wife sleeping peacefully beside me and think,
"Man, is she lucky!"
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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10-14-2017, 09:20 AM
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#1656
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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A judge just sentenced me to 6 months in prison.
I'm disappointed, but 6 months away from the wife is better than nothing
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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10-14-2017, 10:16 AM
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#1657
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 7,363
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I’m starting to understand why you got a divorce Tire. Lol
Russell
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10-14-2017, 10:17 AM
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#1658
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 7,363
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More relationship humor
Or did all this venting show up after the divorce.
Russell
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10-14-2017, 10:30 AM
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#1659
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Site Team
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeast Louisiana
Posts: 33,695
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CAT-RN
Or did all this venting show up after the divorce.
Russell
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It may get a little more pronounced each time I go to court. 6+ years and counting.
__________________
2011 Flagstaff 831 RLBSS
A 72 hour hold in a psych unit is beginning to intrigue me as a potential vacation opportunity.
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10-14-2017, 10:50 AM
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#1660
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 169
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A good friend of mine got divorced from his wife, and there was a dependent child that he was unable to get custody of.
My friend was a smart and hard worker and made a very good living. Of course this came after the divorce... and his ex felt entitled to the fruit of his labor. She was a pathological liar and used visitation rights (which was never honored) as her trump card.
My friend tried his best to keep his money since she only spent it on herself and not the child.
He is probably a less evil person than me. I would have given her everything thing that she wanted and enabled her to develop such an expensive life style that she could in no way support once the child turned 18 and the child support stopped in two years. To watch her and her lazy husband crash and burn would have been priceless.
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