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Old 12-14-2015, 10:04 PM   #841
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My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
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Old 12-14-2015, 10:36 PM   #842
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An 89 year old man went to the doctor. He told the doctor, "My 20 year old is wife pregnant! What do you think about that?"

The doc said, "Let me tell you a story. A man with poor eye sight went lion hunting. On his way out of the cabin he grabbed up his umbrella instead of his rifle. When he came across a lion, the lion charged, he raised his umbrella and there was a big boom and the lion fell dead. What do you think about that?, asked the doctor

The old mans says, "Well it's obvious someone else shot the lion!" The doc says "Exactly!"
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Old 12-16-2015, 07:00 AM   #843
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"Do you remember what day today is?" asked my wife,

"Of course!" I replied, "...Happy Valenbirthsary!
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 12-16-2015, 02:44 PM   #844
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What do you get the woman who has everything for Christmas?

A divorce. Then she'll only have half of everything.
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I just threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck. Ended up smashing a mirror with the salt shaker.
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Old 12-16-2015, 05:45 PM   #845
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
What do you get the woman who has everything for Christmas?

A divorce. Then she'll only have half of everything.
IF you're lucky!
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Old 12-16-2015, 08:38 PM   #846
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmtire View Post
What do you get the woman who has everything for Christmas?

A divorce. Then she'll only have half of everything.
Half of everything = half of the mans stuff and all of her stuff ...almost sounds fair
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Old 12-16-2015, 08:41 PM   #847
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Marriage advice from Dad

Son: Dad, I want to get married to the woman I been dating for a few years.
Father: First, tell me your sorry.
Son: For what?
Father: Say sorry
Son: But for what? What did I do?
Father: Just say sorry.
Son: But... What have I done wrong?
Father: Say sorry
Son: Why???
Father: Say Sorry!
Son: Please tell me why?!
Father: Say sorry...
Son: Ok dad... I am sorry
Father: There! Your finished training. Now that you learned to say sorry for no reason at all, then your ready to get married!

Dave
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Old 12-16-2015, 09:28 PM   #848
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Old 12-16-2015, 09:33 PM   #849
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A wife is like a hand grenade.

Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
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Old 12-17-2015, 01:29 PM   #850
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Wife to husband: I want a divorce. You always tell me I am fat.
Husband: Dont be crazy. What about our child ?
Wife: What ? What child ?
Husband: So you are not pregnant ??
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